the heart of the matter...

What is this? Trouble in the Crayola factory? Not quite...

This is the first creation by my son... not even 6 months old! I got a new laptop and I thought that he and I should spend some creative time together and he just went to town. He has banging his hands on my laptop to the point where I thought my new toy was in danger of being abused! I had to help him out though. I held the button to allow him to paint and changed the colors once he started losing interest!

And then to top it all off, this afternoon my wife and I took him to the hospital for a little check up. He has a bigger heart than most babies his age as he is bigger than most babies his age! Ha! Its so simple it makes sense! So the doctors thought it best just to make sure all was good because they were hearing a murmur. So we went in for an ultrasound and I got to actually see his heart. I saw it beating and pumping blood. I could look into his body and see him from the inside out. He was blissfully unaware of everything that was going on. He was having fun looking around and being distracted.

I have to say it was amazing to get that perspective on him. To see his insides working while he is just lying there smiling was a once in a lifetime thing. I wish that I was a ultrasound technician so that I could understand it more. And then I started wishing that actually seeing his physical heart meant I could see his "actual" heart. The heart that will control his emotions and not his bloodflow. Who is he going to be? I want to know, there are pieces of me in there!

Then I thought back to his painting. He was just banging on the computer not realizing that his hand was controlling what was up on the screen, but just enjoying the whole ride. I am going to keep doing the same!

Inspiration... breathe it in!

The Smoke by lucaszoltowski

http://lucaszoltowski.deviantart.com/art/The-Smoke-100571961

I search for inspiration... i scour comics, pictures, speeches, sermons, music, and movies to find it. Its what makes us as humans want to be better, to be different. I like to think of it as reaching out beyond ourselves, the mundane if you will. Reaching out and touching something divine and supernatural. That doesn't mean that all that is inspired is pretty or beautiful. Its something that can push you to see things through a different perspective and alter your perceptions. The picture above is not beautiful by typical standards. It is not full or bright colors and curvy lines and is not full of hope and all that stuff. But it is creative and a lot of work and heart went into it. When I see something that simple make such a huge statement I smile and mentally kick myself for not doing more or not thinking of it myself.

Just for kicks here are a couple of definitions of inspiration that are inspiring themselves:

1. divine guidance or influence exerted directly on the mind and soul of humankind

2. stimulation of the mind or emotions to a high level of feeling or activity

3. an agency, such as a person or work of art, that moves the intellect or emotions or prompts action or invention

4. arousal of the mind to special unusual activity or creativity

Doesn't that make you want to get out there and paint or write a sonnet? It makes me wish that I was more in tune with everything out there. The worst thing about it is that material for inspiration is everywhere. All we have to do is breathe it in!!

"the act of drawing in, especially the inhalation of air into the lungs"

Its as simple as breathing. Just open up and let it in! I would continue but its early and I am worried I am not making much sense. Get out there and be inspired and inspire others! Take the "ugly" and watch how quickly it can grow into something beautiful.

Let me know how it goes!

...better times by Kat-Art http://kat-art.deviantart.com/art/better-times-102182319#

there goes my hero...

I have always wanted to be a superhero. But I am not greedy. I wouldn't expect a superhero of Superman proportions. Something more along the lines of a Spiderman...

I love the superhero that is a regular guy and has the extra burden of dealing with his power and responsibility of his position. Superman really can't be killed. He can fly into space, he could eat bullets for breakfast, and if he flies fast enough counter clockwise to the earth's rotation, turn back time. Oh yeah, this is a fact! Spiderman can be shot, struggles to keep a job and pay the rent, and has to deal with bad guys as well as relationships with those who are close to him.

I think this is a lot closer to what we live in our regular day. I like to think that we all have this special gift or power and we have to figure out how to work with it on a daily basis. What can be do with our talents to better the world and lives of others.

Then there is also the anti-hero. He is the reluctant hero. He doesn't want to do anything with his gifts for anyone else. They are a burden and the individual feels no responsibility to use them other than for his own purposes. I find these characters intriguing as they usually have a dark past that they are trying to deal with and overcome. There is a desire to do good, but they shy away from the spotlight and they try hard to figure it all out.

I love comic books and stories. I like seeing my life,struggles, hopes, and fears through the eyes of fictional characters.

I hope my little, flying ninja will be be able to be a superhero...

That movie was RELIGULOUS!!!!

So i went to see Religulous last night. Contrary to what the above poster makes you believe, it is not about monkeys... i was so disappointed. Just jokes... I knew there were no monkeys involved.

But the movie is definitely worth watching, regardless of your faith background. Be warned that Bill Maher seems to be very critical and hurt by religions. There seems to be a particularly toxic venom when he addresses people who are obviously caught off guard. I am not religious at all and I was laughing throughout this movie, however there were times that I felt really bad for the people he was talking to. He definitely has an agenda and will stop at nothing to get it through. But thats what you're paying for... you want him to poke fun and show the most outrageous religious nuts out there.

This movie will definitely challenge what you think and cause you to doubt any preconceived religious/systematic ideals you hold on to.

On a personal note... if you have been following this blog you know that I am a believer in Jesus. Contrary to what the movie would make you think, I have tons of doubts. I cannot guarantee anybody anything about the afterlife. Am I 100% of what is going to happen to me when this is said and done. Nope. Not close. If I could, you would see a very different person. However I am willing to risk a lot and lay down my life for it. A lot of what he said about religions and the people who follow them are unfortunately true. I would be glad to agree with him and do something about it.

Religious folk feel a great need to be right and the documentary brings up a good point that one can't answer some of these questions... but they try anyways. And the answers always seem so stupid and weak. Because thats what they are... they don't make sense because the natural can't fully explain the supernatural. So what happens? A formula for arguing is followed as if they are telemarketers. And when all else fails, attack the person with the questions: "What if you're wrong? What if there is a God and you won't get to be with Him?" Thats it... when all else fails... scare 'em.

Anyhow... i have doubts. I won't be spoonfed pat answers. I am glad that there are movies like this that make me squirm and push me to think a little harder and not take for granted my beliefs.

Bill Maher is still a little bit of a prick though.



In completely unrelated news, this movie below looks like a winner if you are into 3D animation stuff. I think there will be a really good message involved especially in light of the fears that we have and how we are almost programmed into them.

change is here

So its done... change is no longer coming... its here!!!

For those of you living under rock... in the ocean... with your eyes shut... and your fingers in your ears... Obama won the election. What can I say??? I am glad for the United States and glad for the world. I think this definitely shows a change in ideals and priorities that I think will benefit the US and, by the nature of the beast, the world.

However I am not a political person. I dont fully believe the democracy works. And before I get cyber-jumped-on, let me say that I am glad that I live in a country where I have the freedom to vote and "influence" change. However the system is very flawed... and thats where I feel that it doesn't work.

But back to Barack... Putting aside my dislike for politics, I do believe him to be honest and a man grounded in reality. Though he may not have all the political credentials and experience, that may end up working in his favor as he might be able to think outside the box and shake up the system. And in the end thats all I would really care about. Is his heart in the right place and does he have the creativity to solve a whole plate of very daunting problems.

But what do I know? I am a ballot-spoiling-Canadian!

judging books by their covers

My son is getting cuter and cuter! Sorry for being a gushing dad... but this picture is just too funny and really speaks volumes about who he is. But thats what I think.... I mean how much can I really know about him? He is 5 and a half months and he is just beginning to shape and form into who he is supposed to be. I can tell what he wants by his grunts and movements and all that stuff, but I couldn't tell you who he is going to be as he grows. He is away for a couple of days with mommy visiting family in the States and I am stuck with work, so I am feeling a little more sentimental than usual. But who he will be made me think about someone I bumped into on the metro the other day.

I didn't really bump into him. People kept a very wide berth from him. It was a teenager... he was about 15 years old and I could tell just by looking at him he was very, very low on the social food chain. It was sad that I could tell this by one quick glance at him and everyone else seemed to be able to as well. His hair was messed up and obviously uncared for. His underwear was sticking well over his waist band for his pants that were too big for his waist and well too short for his legs. His shirt was tucked into his underwear. He had leftover food from a meal on his shirt, cheek, and upper lip. His upper lip was trying to grow facial hair but it was obvious that it wouldn't be a little while for it to fill in. It actually looked like a 2 year old was drawing well outside the lines and gave up after the first few strokes. But besides his appearance it was his attitude that gave him away. He looked dejected and resigned to his fate. He knew that he was at the bottom of the totem pole and I imagine that he has had his fare shair of people teasing him and reminding him of that fact. He stood in the metro accepting of his situation but still sad and hurt. I could tell he had learned to tune out his emotions to emotionally survive. He has created defense mechanisms to slip away from the torment of his peers by not caring in the least. Once you get so low people lose interest because the challenge isn't there. I felt sorry for him, but at the same time glad that I wasn't in his shoes. I am selfish.

I then thought of my son. I hoped he wouldn't turn out this way. I hoped and do hope he will be well liked. Not so popular that people will be jealous and it will go to his head, but well liked enough that he is grounded and can be a go-in-between for all the cliques out there. So I am thinking about how difficult it could be for my son if he is outcasted and I am stuck. I want to say it doesn't matter. It will matter to him no matter how strong he is. It will matter to his mother and I as we see him grow up and face these issues...

It works out to that what will come will come. I will love him no matter what. And that maybe I should spend more time actually reading "books" than judging their covers.

29 year streak over!

It was bound to happen... one of these days I was going to end up missing it and I am so sorry I did!

So I got up early this morning. My little one decided that we wanted to have a snack at 4am!!! UGHHH!!! But he was so happy and smiley that I actually enjoyed getting up for him! So I get him taken care of and I start getting myself ready to go to work. Toiling on the sabbath... yeah I know. I am a horrible person. So I make a little breakfast and I walk out of the house at around 540am to catch the bus at 556. Its freezing cold! Literally. The grass is all crunchy cause it frozen and not only can I see my breath but I swear my body is giving off steam! So I make it to the bus and I try to keep warm while I wait. My feet are going a little numb and I drift in and out of sleep. I would sit down, but seeing that the bench is metal I am afraid that my ass would freeze to it and then I would really be in trouble!!!

So I wait...

And wait some more...

I swear I have been standing here for 30 minutes. But that can't be... the bus hasn't shown up yet. I start to panic... What if the guy didn't show up to work today. What happens then?? I am really stuck! I start talking to myself. Out loud. Its early so that there is no one around to tell me I am crazy. I start kicking the bus shelter in frustration. Not too hard though, because its too cold for that! I can literally (and I mean literally, literally) hear electricity going through the wires about my head. I am not joking. It sounds very futuristic... like I should be waiting for a hovercraft rather than a bus.

Finally another brave soul wanders over to the bus shelter so I know I am not crazy and I am actually at a bus stop. I nod and smile because I am very happy to see I am not completely crazy and that if I freeze to death at least this guy can steal my wallet and continue to live as me if he so desired. The bus shows up a couple of minutes later and I am happily on my way to work... well not happily, but you know what I mean.

Approimately 40 minutes later I am at work and I am ready to sign in and get my day started. Now realize that I sleep on the bus and metro whenever I can. I am completely oblivious to the world around me, but for some reason my body knows when to wake up and exit my particular mode of transport (I was just going to say wake up and get off, but that sounds to sexual). I look at the clock and it says 6:15am. I am 45 minutes early.

Thats right people. Daylight savings time is over!!! OVER! The one day where we get a free hour of sleep. A free hour!!! And I missed it! I feel like Santa just skipped my house. I have never missed a time change in my entire life and today that streak is over.

Change your clocks people!!! If you live in the part of the world where you need to of course!