i am a big fat ice cream eating pig... OINK OINK

I went to Ben and Jerry's last night. I wanted to taste that delicious, mouthwatering, ice cream. However, since they were giving away free cones last night, there was a line up that stretched around the block!!! Combine that with a pregnant wife that needed to pee, really cold temperatures, and the fact I was wearing short sleeves... we went to Dairy Queen instead! Seriously, we left and went to Dairy Queen.

Now I am not a huge fan of Dairy Queen. Not that there is anything wrong with it, but I find it to sugary, too sweet, too much fast and not enough food. I leave DQ with this sickness in my stomach and the desire to wash my mouth out with something cool and refreshing. They are certainly not going to be hiring me for any kind of promotions. So now that we have established my aversion to the Female Ruler of Milk Products (Dairy Queen for those of you going huh???) we end up going and I end up ordering the product that I had been seeing on ads everywhere. I have been lured in by the Siren's Song. TV-says-its-good-therefore-I-will-obey...crush-capitalism...

So I gave into the pressure of what TV was telling me to get. I feel horrible about it actually. I don't like DQ ice cream... so someone explain to me why I am paying about 5$ for some "fancy" frozen treat that I really don't fully like? I don't know... makes me sick actually. So anyways... it gets worse. I am falling into Western consumer culture. I am at a store who's product I don't particularly enjoy... I am paying way too much for something I don't really enjoy (The five bucks I spent could have fed, clothed, educated, and provided medical care for a child I don't know in Africa for about 5 days. Since I don't know him personally, I can brush that off and feel less guilty, although if he was to come over and hang out at my place I would have a hard time explaining to him why I couldn't help him out because I was eating ice cream that I didn't like. I now have to go back in this paragraph and find where was my jump-off point for this tangent that I am now on.)... ok, so I am paying too much for something I don't really enjoy, and I am now EATING THE BOWL!

I think this is one of the ultimate signs of where our culture has gone horribly wrong. At what point, after increasing our serving sizes by 250%, did we say... "Hmmmmm... I have no eaten enough. My dining experience is somehow lacking. I know! I will eat the bowl which my desert came in!!!" Huh!!! Go figure! We are now trying to consume everything before us. No more is it, "Make sure you finish everything on your plate!" or "I want you to lick that plate clean mister!" Now we will be telling our chubby children to eat the damn plate! And this eating the plate/bowl is not an isolated incident... at the hierarchy of the Canadian diet, Tim Hortons (for all you Americans, insert with any fast food chain because I am sure its been done before, or skip over these next couple sentences, or google or wikipedia Tim Horton's to be able to follow along.) had that creamy soup that came in the bread bowl... sooooooo good! I am so hungry right now. What made my bowl eating experience even funnier was that the bowl came in another plastic bowl so that the bowl I was going to eat wouldn't touch their dirty table... so there goes the environment angle that some may try and propose!

So... anyhow. You can come up with your own moral-of-the-story thing. However for me, slowly-but-hopefully-surely I am realizing the error of my ways and will soon be able to go and have a small healthy portion of tofu ice cream straight out of my hands so that I am not stuffing the bowl in mouth or hurting the environment.

I love my city... in spite of things....

IMG_0246, originally uploaded by impactmatt.

Ok... so there were riots. People were hurt, cars were burned, and stores were vandalized. I am profoundly sorry for the people who were affected and I am very sorry for my city. This is not what my city is about.

Over the past few days I have had floods of emails, calls, and comments about how we should be ashamed of what happened.

"The actions of the past few days are exactly why Montreal will never win another Stanley Cup."

"There is something wrong with you people in Montreal."

"What did YOU take?"


Now I am ready to riot... I am from Montreal, so automatically I stole something? Are you freaking kidding me? You want to run that by me again? Montrealers are not MORONS and those who support the Montreal Canadiens are not vandals in hiding waiting for an opportune moment to strike. You cannot lump hockey fans or Montrealers all together because of that reprehensible act of the few. If you want to live by that code, get ready to point that judgement and condemnation inward! So by that token Germans would be Nazis, Japanese would be samurais, and blondes would be dumb.

Just a few facts... I was there taking pictures after game 7. People were celebrating, dancing, and shouting in the streets. Complete strangers hugged each other and exchanged celebratory smiles with each other. Hardcore-looking-anglophone-gangsters were linked arm in arm with traditional-conservative-francophone-seniors. People shared their brown-bag beer and offered toasts to the city's and team's good fortune. Besides slowing down traffic, nothing serious happened with the Canadiens fans. (There were a couple of people burning Bruins jerseys, but there is nothing really wrong with that... and a few Bruins fans got heckled... but come on don't scream Habs suck and Habs were lucky just after a loss... in Montreal...wearing a Bruins jersey with "Habs Suck" written on it. Use your head!)

I am not saying that nothing bad happened. A lot of people were hurt financially, physically and emotionally. However this is not due to the Canadiens or Montrealers... There are people, given the right circumstances, will profit from a situation. These people came prepared with firebombs and plans to wreak havoc. These people came prepared to influence others (who were probably already under the influence) to continue with distractions and vandalism. This can happen anywhere and potentially to anyone. Remember how Christians got on the whole "slavery is ok because the Bible says so" bandwagon. You ever go out with a guy/girl who maybe influenced you to go further than you felt comfortable? What happened is not a hockey problem, a Montreal problem, a French problem...

ITS A PEOPLE PROBLEM.

It because there are people who think of themselves as more important than others. Their immediate needs are more important than the long term effects on society and the world. There are people who have some serious hurts and holes in their lives that they need filled. Maybe they need people to encourage them and pay attention to them. Maybe it sounds really cliche, but maybe they need a big hug and someone to tell them that they mean something and don't have to resort to extremes for people to pay attention to them. I really don't want to sound like Dr. Phil, but it would think it obvious that these people are missing something(and most likely not left footed Reeboks stolen from the Reebok store. The funny thing about that is they went in and stole shoes off the floor and all they got were a bunch of lefties. They won't even be able to wear them!)

So now we have this people problem... what do we do about it? Do we sit from our places on high and point the finger and cast down condemnation as if we were gods on Mount Olympus? Do we make fun of the city where it took place and write off an entire population? Do we litter the streets of Montreal with riot police every time we have a game? I don't know actually... as I was typing I was thinking that I this great idea would come to me and everything would be all right... but nothing is coming. Pointing the finger won't work. Name calling won't work. Extra riot police might actually help, although it felt like I was in some police state under martial law last Thursday after game one of round two. However I feel that all the previous things that have been done is for those who don't really care about why this is happening but don't want it to happen again. Its like when my "service engine" light comes on in the car and I put a piece of tape over it. If I can't see it, well its not a problem!

So... I stand by my city. Even with the riots and the blackeye its given Montreal, I will stand up. While the world sees pictures of charred police cruisers and broken store windows, I see a much different story. So lets not point the finger and feel good about ourselves comparing ourselves to the people who burned, looted, and rioted. Because... we have all done it. Maybe we have not burned police cars and caused chaos but we all have a little inner turmoil and fires that burn within us.

a canadiens fan stress...

As I write this, my Montreal Canadiens are in the battle of their lives to climb out of the first round of the playoffs. I am at work, jealous of those who have off and stressed that I can't be at home yelling and screaming at the tv screen. BECAUSE it does make a difference. They can hear me through the boob tube and the coach will adjust his lines based on the yelps, groans, and fist pumping from my couch.

I love this team and I love watching them succeed. But even more I love how the city reacts to their success. We won't talk about when they fail... it is just ghastly (ooooh big word! Ghastly!)!!! But this city has been buzzing with activity and support. I wouldn't be able to count all the flags that people have attached, taped, glued, tied, and welded onto their cars, homes, and place of business. The entire Montreal Fire Department is getting burned (great play on words) for painting the fire stations in support of les Habitants! The mayor is not happy since he is on an anti-grafitti kick. Where is his spirit!? No multiple terms for you! It has been amazing to see how this team's success or failures have tied this whole city together in a knot of electric frenzy!

Montreal is one of the most beautiful cities in the world and hockey is truly one of this city's passions. And whether I am looking at the ugliness of them losing (which doesn't happen often and better not happen tonight), the panic of fans, media, and players as we enter game 7 of a series that should have ended in our favor 2 games ago, or the sound of "ET C'EST LE BUT!" on RDS, I am reminded of how special this all is.

No real other reason for this post... just to go on about my Habs and my city. We're up 1 - 0 right now!

Sugar off!

tall.trees, originally uploaded by impactmatt.

Its spring time again in Montreal! Its the time when the temperature creeps up past freezing and the 5 feet of snow build up melts down to only 3 feet. Its the time when Montrealers put on t-shirts and celebrate the sun, even though it really is still too cold for that kind of thing. Winter tires get wore down and the potholes that were filled up by the snow are now filled up with water (and small civilizations of stranded car owners that fell into them). It is also the time of year for a time honored Quebecois tradition of "la cabane a sucre!" In English that is called "sugar shacking," or "sugaring off." I don't like that last term... just sounds dirty. "Ahhhh why don't you just sugar!!!" "Why don't you sugar off?" "Sugar you!" "Sugar yourself!"

So what is this tradition that we partake in? Essentially it is to drive way out of town into the country, sit crammed up with hundreds of people you don't know, eat the fattiest foods known to mankind drenched in pure maple syrup, and then the next day start treatment for diabetes. Let me give you an idea of my last trip was like.

My wife and I get into the car to drive out to a little town that is called St Marc-sur-Richelieu-sur-le-lac-St-Ambrois-de-l'Assomption-de-la-Sainte-Marie-Colis-que-c'est-long-ce-nom-ville. This town cannot be found on the map or on any street signs because the name is actually bigger than the town itself. The only reason we can find the place because the line of parked cars stretch halfway back to the city. People are trudging along on the three mile long trek only to find out that someone has now left and there is a free spot in the parking lot. I drive by them and laugh and spit on their misfortune. Ha ha!

Once we park we now have to push our way to the front of the line as people glare at us because we have a reservation. At one point we are trapped like Chewbacca at a beastiality conference and cannot move. We are now being screamed at by old ladies who need their sugar insisting that we get out of their way. My wife is pregnant and doesn't take shit from anybody. She wants her food and shares some choice words with the fossils who are impeding her progress. Later we find out that these seniors had "an accident." My wife refuses to speak about it without a lawyer present.

Finally we get to our table and our group. I am meeting them for the first time as they are my wife's coworkers. They are already eating their pea soup. Now if you have never had it, it looks like snot, mixed in with vomit and bile. Its really good though! I look around and people are freely pouring maple syrup into their soup. There is also something called cretons. Its usually in brick form and you spread it on toast. Its grey and lifeless looking even though it has a higher fat content than deep fried crisco. More maple syrup is added. There is also something called "oreilles de christ." I am not sure of the spelling but it means Christ's ears. Basically these are deep fried pig fat. Again they are really good drowned in maple syrup or straight up. What I find interesting is that I don't think Jesus would have an major issue with his name being used as a nickname for food its just that, being a Jew, deep fried pig fat is certainly not kosher nor healthy. The food continues with eggs, ham, sugar pie, deep fried dough balls, and some other sweet treat that has yet to be defined. The whole time we are begging for more and fighting over the random pourings of coffee. Good times!!! McDonalds has nothing on these sugar shacks!

We got outside where we are swarmed by cigarette smoke and kids throwing snowballs. Kids are falling, tackling each other in the mud, and trying to avoid getting swatted by their parents. Outside there is more maple syrup as it is being poured on virgin snow. At this point to try stabbing it with a popsicle stick and you try rolling it to make the world's most ghetto lollipop. This is immensely popular and the pushing and shoving continues. My wife somehow already has a collection of desugared popsicle sticks and is throwing crippled children out of the way to get more.

The next step is to patiently wait for the sleigh ride. Basically there are two overworked horses that will pull roughly 25-30 people around in the snow. This is quite fun and as city folk we make comparisons to our subway and horrible transport system. The horse make their customary bowel movement and the maple syrup smell is now blended with horse shit... mmmmmm! However this doesn't stop the majority of sleigh riders and they head straight back to the maple syrup on snow upon our return. Again my wife is trampling people to get her sugar fix. The people serving the syrup already call her by name.

So thus ends our little sugar escapade. I am still suffering from the shakes as I come down from my sugar high. Great times... glad it only happens once a year!!!

have a little faith in me...

joseph.in.blue, originally uploaded by impactmatt.

When you walk into the majority of Catholic churches you are usally surrounded in a sweet-smelling, comforting warmth. For some it may the deep spiritual bond and security one may feel as they step into the sanctuary, the home of their religious fervor. I think that it is literally the candles. When you need something in particular it seems as though lighting a candle in church helps...apparently. You drop your coin into the box ...(nothing is free... although technically I don't think you have to. I am not too sure how much time God has to count loose change. I mean I guess He has the time and the ability... He is God after all.)...so as I was saying, you drop your coin in the collection box, take a little stick, light the stick from a pre-existing flame, light your own candle, and then say your prayer.

Many protestants shun this kind of unnecessary ritual... God doesn't need a candle's help to see our prayers (He's got wicked cool night vision goggles!). There is something obviously beautiful to walk into a church and see rows and rows of flickering prayers, hopes, requests, dream, and thanksgivings. Yellow flames illuminate rainbow colored glass and equalizes the urgency and importance of the prayers and of the believers themselves. As the candles are lit from one common flame, all supplicants, rejoicers, mourners, and last-minute-end-of-the-line-hail-mary-full-of-gracers, are joined in their hope of a reply. Its beautiful. Its inspiring to see different people who don't know each other be mystically linked. To see that light and to feel the heat is a reminder that we are not alone in our struggle. That we are not alone and that there are others out there who feel the same.

I am trying to make a big decision. Column A or Column B? Left or right? Will I take door number 1 or door number 2? Both sides have their pros and cons. Either choice could probably work out. The tough part is that one of them may be a better choice and I am not sure which one it is. The advice from my friends... "Have faith that there is someone out there who is bigger than you are and that He has your best interests in mind. Have the faith to try and figure that out and the rest will go a lot smoother.

I better go light a candle.