My TEN COMMANDMENTS (up to six!!!)

My ten commandments.... in response to my other friends with their own! Its a work in progress... come back for future updates!

Thou shall....

1. Wait before entering!!!

-I cannot stress this enough. Under no circumstances should you get on an elevator, bus, metro, subway, train, plane before people have finished getting off. This is the most important commandment. If you are an old granny, judge, Governor Shwarznegger.... I will kick you in the face for your impoliteness.


2. Jaywalk respectfully...

- I admire jaywalkers... I really do. You live life on the edge and you have places to be. I respect that. But as you cross please do it will some kind of urgency. I am in a car coming at you. I think I will survive the head on collision. So when I give you a "friendly" honk to motivate your illegal crossing... don't... do not... under any circumstance flick me off!!!


3. Shall not think you are better than anyone else

- I don't care about your status, ethnicity, experiences, economics, religion, sex or how many times you have had sex (you pornstar you)... you are not better than anyone else. Please keep that in mind... unless you like the Leafs and then everyone is better than you! Ouch! Burn! Just kidding... kind of.


4. Shall not claim Celine Dion as Canadian or Quebecer

- Its done... over... buh-bye. Why is she still on the radio?


5. Shall not make small talk about the weather

- If its minus 40 outside and the penguins are getting the hell out of dodge, don't ask "Cold out, eh?" Likewise if I am drenched in sweat and if my face is flushed redder than the pits of hell (whether or not you believe hell exists is a theological question that I wont answer here... I am merely using it as symbolism) do not ask "Warm out, isn't it?" Small talk is bearable only when it is interesting... Challenge my brain instead of just nodding and saying "Yeah it is hot out there.. Phew!"

6. Shall not feel the need to say hi multiple times in the same day in the same office

- Politeness is nice... I appreciate it, but I find it really awkward to have to say hi multiple times to same people in the space of one day. The first time I see you a "Hi! How you doing?" is very appropriate and I would love to converse. And subsequent meeting only requires a head nod, smile, small wave... something just to acknowledge that we know each other. There is no need to say hi again... we saw each other an hour ago and covered that. The main reason for this is that I want to speak about something a little more deeper about how I am and then I feel like I have to make assinine comments about the weather (see commandment 5). One also must remember that as the meetings increase the more awkward this becomes!!!