Enter the Mystery

fortune-cookie 001

2010-02-24T17:47:00.001-08:00

fortune-cookie 001, originally uploaded by impactmatt.

February 24, 2010 Day #2

My wife graciously went and picked up Chinese take out. I am so forunate to have a wife like her. So I decided to share with everyone out there; the fortune part, not my wife. She's all mine.

Fortune flag

2010-02-24T17:45:00.001-08:00

fortune-cookie 001, originally uploaded by impactmatt.

17 hour shift

2009-01-03T12:41:00.001-08:00

I can feel the anger swelling within me.

Slowly.

But surely.

It grows.

I want to stand still. I need to be statuesque pillar of unyielding apathy. But I am buried in box and it makes my body convulse in rage. "I dont want to hear your problems anymore. I got my own! You don't want to help me with mine, so bugger off!"

My throat constricts like I have put on twenty pounds and my shirt has shrunk in the wash. Its so tight and as i stretch and pull on it, it only gets tighter. I want to scream but I know that will only make me more angry... and frustrated. I can only scream so much and then I won't be able to anymore. i am angrier than that.

My mind races with thoughts. Its like being in the front row of a movie theatre during a car chase scene. Its blurry and nauseating. You can't see clearly whats going on, but I get the idea of whats happening. As my mind struggles, it gets sleepy. Maybe it just wants to roll over and die. I feel defeated. I am an dark, pulsating, open wound in an ocean of psychotic great whites. Might as well let the frenzy take over and accept what is coming to me. I am infuriated that i am hypocritically both wound up and fatigued.

I want to wipe an endangered species of the face of the planet. I want to laugh at someone's misfortune. I want to jump through the hole in the ozone and let my anger burn me to a cancerous crisp.

Its spreading.

An ominous harbinger of hatred.

I'm consumed.

voulez vous couchez avec moi?

2008-12-13T08:07:00.000-08:00

I started watching my favorite movie today... A big tough guy like me? What would it be? Yup! You guessed it! MOULIN ROUGE!

I am a visual person, so the colors, lights, sets, the blending of medium... loves it!!! I saw this movie in theatres and I fell in love. I ended up seeing it two more times in the theatre and bought it the first day it came out on DVD.

Besides the visual amazingness, the music is great, and the story is even better. It seems like such a simple thing. Boy meets girl. Boy falls in love with girl. Girl is a hooker. Don't seem so shocked. It worked for Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. But this one goes a step further. Besides the romantic storyline, this is a deeply emotional and spiritual story. It deals with Freedom, Truth, Beauty, and Love. These are four principles that carry this movie along. Within the twisted lives of our heroes who seem to be trapped and opposite they find the freedom through each other and their art. The whole story lives and pushes forward with lies and deception, however the Truth is always just around the corner and we see that is what ends up winning. Beauty is found in the music, the lights, the dance, the passion, the character, and the goodness of their hope. And above all else, there is love. We get to see the difference between what jealousy will do and how love conquers it.

The story line echos and overlaps and copies itself throughout the movie. The story starts off with a writer writing a story about a story which he is writing which is a story that is happening the echoes the story. Confused... yeah. It can be. Watch this movie though and you will go crazy and it will make so much sense!

the big 3 - OH!

2008-12-13T08:05:00.000-08:00

So I turned 30 the other day. I haven't really considered it. I am not avoiding my age. Yeah it sucks that I can't eat what I want and abuse my body with all-nighters and 3 rugby games in a day, but I am ok with that. I don't feel that old (as I say that, I have this nagging pain in my back that makes me get out of a chair slower than Homer Simpson) and I don't look old, so I am all good.

However, I am worried that I am not wiser than I should be. I have been through a lot and experienced many wonderful things. However there are many things that I have experienced that are not so wonderful. Now thats ok too. I mean we take the good with the bad and we learn from both, but I wonder...

Have I learned enough from the bad? Have I matured enough in my 30 years and 9 months on this planet to not make the same mistakes? I feel I have, but I know that I am not the most mature guy there is. I still retain that "boyish charm!"

You guys can watch that for me!

auto-pilot...

2008-12-09T04:06:00.000-08:00

I am on auto-pilot today. I am so tired. As I type this my eyelids are slowly closing like a lazy sunset on a Saturday afternoon. My eyes are starting to cross and the words are slowly becoming fuzzy and then black. I was up at 5:10am this morning and I don't know how I made it out of the house. I know that at some point I did make it out of the house because the below zero temperatures did wake me up temporarily as I trudged to the bus-stop.

But from there, I know that I slept until I got to the metro and in zombie-like fashion I got off the bus and make my way down to the metro platform and onto the awaiting subterranean train. From there I slept another 30 minutes to my stop. I got up and got off the metro and plodded my way to work, waking briefly due to the cold once again. Once upstairs I got my stuff settled and then I went to boil some water, where my coworkers found me in a semi-standing position awaiting my watched pot. It took a while, so I got the chance for a mini power nap.

So now I am sitting here... trying to be creative and awake. My mind and body are dreaming of duvets and plump pillows, the warmth of a recently vacated bed, and having someone who won't mind my morning breath and snoring to spoon with.

if I were Beyonce...

2008-12-05T13:42:00.001-08:00

Here is one more sign that pop-music is just... I don't even know how to describe it. I cannot tell you how much I dislike this song. It sounds like I don't have much to say... but I do.

(For those of you who like this song, you are completely entitled to do so. My wife enjoys this song and i would never dare cross her. So you are in very good company. However, I think this is one of the worst songs ever!)

So allow me to launch into my tyrade!

I have never heard such a bunch of whiney tripe in my life. Basically Beyonce feels that if she was a boy she could sleep in, drink beer, chase after girls, and scratch herself however she wants. And then somehow if she was a boy she would be able to redeem the whole male race by listening.

Now, I now I may not be listening to this song properly, but excuse me if the rich, attractive girl is in such a tough spot that she wishes she were a boy. Good for her if she is standing up for all the women who have been wronged by men, but please... really...? A whiney song? Thats how you're going to fix it?

If Beyonce was a boy she would be called BOYonce. If she was a boy her singing career would have never taken off and she would be sans her hubby Jay-Z. If she were a boy she would be a lonely guy with a fat ass.

Sorry if this comes off as insensitive, but this song just bothers me...

If you dare watch the video, here is the link:

http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=EpND5kz8AQk

pushed around

2008-12-04T18:21:00.000-08:00

Sometimes you get put in your place. It sucks to realize that you are completely powerless in some situations. No matter how big or how important you are at some point you will be at the mercy of someone else and there is nothing you can do about it. What do I mean?

Well lets say you got and appointment at the doctor or some other highly paid professional individual. His rules states that if you don't cancel at least 24hours before, you have to pay 50% of what it would have cost you. If they don't show up, you're the one left holding the bag. Or how about this situation? You call up your phone company because you have moved and you need to have your line installed/activated. "Not a problem sir," they tell you, "We will be able to have a representative at your location between this Tuesday at 1pm and Friday at 4pm." Can you really afford the time off to watch a guy press a couple buttons and be on his way? But you really have no choice.

No real deep meaning today. Just pure frustration at being the little guy that has to follow along as best as he can. Its really frustrating!

PS The above picture is not actually in regard to this topic, but it could like like it.

tough time sleeping...

2008-12-02T07:58:00.001-08:00

My wife and I are trying this new sleep thing with our little one. This new technique if you will is really tough on him and us. Its only a day or so old, so we will see how it ends up. We were used to the baby crying and we pick him up and tap him and hold him and do whatever we can to get him back to sleep. It wasn't easy, but there were things we could do and they worked. And to be honest I liked the idea of being able to help. I liked being able to hold him and feel like we were bonding. There was something in it for him and for me. Now, we let him cry in his crib. We are right there, talking with him and patting him to try and calm him down, but its rough. The cries of your son are so heartwrenching and you just want to fix it for him.

So we are going through this tough time now, but I am sure that my little guy will be able to pull through it without any major problems. So I am with him at around 1am and I am laughing uncontrollably at his attempts to get to sleep. He had just finished crying and now we has doing every random thing you could possibly do. He was dragging his hands across the bars of his crib, enjoying the sound. He would roll from side to side. He was banging his hands on the mattress and then on his legs. He even ended up talking to himself (it was just babbling, but I know he is talking. He understands himself). He would even look at me and smile as if for approval. I was laughing out loud at one in the morning!!!

I love that kid. I can't wait to get back home and see him.

Nine Pics of LIMA!!! 9 of 9

2008-12-01T14:37:00.000-08:00

Yes, it is the last of the Lima pictures that I am putting up and blogging about. Don't cry... Or if you do cry please let me know in advance so I can come over and take a picture! This little girl was crying at the zoo. I don't know why... who doesn't like the zoo. Maybe she had been denied some ice cream or a little stuffed monkey. Oh well. She was tremendously cute though!

If you want to see more shots from Lima or any shots, please let me know and i will describe exactly what I was thinking, feeling, and doing the day I shot it! Pictures somehow allow me to remember entire days from a singular captured moment! Talk to you soon I hope!

Nine Pics of LIMA!!! 8 of 9

2008-12-01T14:32:00.001-08:00

Have you ever wondered what two turtles humping looks like? No you know exactly what it looks like. My last few hours in Lima were spent at their local zoo. It was fun to see a host of local wildlife as well as some international favorites. I feel sorry for zoo animals, but enjoy the opportunity to see them. I am conflicted... But one thing about zoo animals is that they get ridiculously horny. Being caged up does something to an animal and they just want to do it! Maybe they get bored and need something to take their minds off their captive status. But to see two turtles go at it in slow motion was pretty funny and embarassing. Their shells really get in the way and they slide off frequently!

Nine Pics of LIMA!!! 7 of 9

2008-12-01T14:23:00.000-08:00

This happens to be one of my favorite pictures of my whole trip. There is nothing too spectacular about it. Its pretty standard... sunset, lights, ocean, cityline... yeah. There are probably a whole bunch of photos just like this on flickr or smugmug. But this picture speaks to me. I had had a long day of walking and seeing the sites. I had gone to a photo exhibition that was as powerful as it was beautiful as it was depressing. I had just come from taking a bunch of skateboarding pictures at a park and people watching. The cab had dropped me off here because he didn't know where I wanted to go and I was frustrated of pointing it out on a map. But thankfully it all worked out... I was here... at this spot. Looking out at the beauty before me. Awestruck and thanfkful that this was where I ended up. I set my camera up on a mini tripod and tried a few exposure lengths until I got this shot.

Nine Pics of LIMA!!! 6 of 9

2008-12-01T14:11:00.000-08:00

Even though I did not see too much of this up close and personal, this picture screams Lima to me. I saw Lima as a beautiful, rich, and vibrant city. I saw breathtaking landscapes, inspiring architecture, and gorgeous and friendly people. This is the other side that we were advised not even to go into. Even though it may not have been "safe" for gringos to go into and take pictures with big cameras, its still like the rest of Lima. With the houses built right into the mountain, I couldn't help but continually look and be fascinated by it. Though the architecture would be considered blah and boxy, the colors, the height, the proximity of the buildings, and my imagining the roads and paths that lead all the way up are really enough to be burned into my mind for life. And I am sure that the people in there are just as gorgeous and friendly as anywhere else... I wish I could have gotten closer... I am thankful for a telephoto lens!

Nine Pics of LIMA!!! 5 of 9

2008-12-01T14:06:00.000-08:00

While I was in Lima we were treated to a rather large military parade. It wasn't in our honor though.... just in case you were wondering!!! As we were dodging the parade routes and blocked streets we stumbled across this statue just outside of the main square. I dont know what it commemorates or honors, but it is obviously meant to be noticed and has something to do with dancing. Dancing is by far one of the preferred past times in Lima. Since the statue is bright red it is immeadiately noticeable and cries out to have its picture taken. I laughed at the little boy in the bottom right poking his head out and adding a little more personality to this shot!

Nine Pics of LIMA!!! 4 of 9

2008-11-28T11:20:00.001-08:00

This guy was one of my favorite models on my trip. We were going to see the presidential palace and all that good stuff in the heart of downtown. There was a very heavy police presence due to all the diplomats and important people for the APEC conference; so there was a lot to see and watch. Nonetheless, this guy was the center of attention. Every person who walked by or even caught him in the distance wanted to know if he was still alive and what was up with him. He was pretty beat up, but this picture shows him happily resting.

Nine Pics from LIMA!!! 3 of 9

2008-11-28T11:15:00.000-08:00

This happens to be from the same park as the Nazca symbols. Throughout the park there was a beautiful cement checkered path that just led me to imagine it heading off the faraway places. It felt like I was a little like Alice in Wonderland or Dorothy heading to Oz. (Do only girls take cool looking paths?) You can see condos in the background overlooking the Pacific. Ummm... yeah.... anyone want to timeshare on one?

Nine Pics from LIMA!!! 2 of 9

2008-11-28T11:11:00.001-08:00

This shot is number two on the list from my little visit to Lima.

Lima is a bustling city with all kinds of things going on. It is not some sleepy little South American town. However it is very picturesque with grand views of nature and architecture. This one is a little bit of both. In a different part of the country they have these "crop circle" things but are in the form of animals. They are called Nazca symbols and this one happens to be a little monkey (big monkey i guess). This park is high up on a cliff with the ocean pounding below. People bring the dogs to play. Others bring their lovers to make out with. Do not confuse the two.

Nine Pics from LIMA!!!! 1 of 9

2008-11-28T10:55:00.001-08:00

So I have some shots of Lima that I would like to share with a little explanation for each.

So this first one was taken at the beach in Miraflores which is just a little section of Lima. It has a lot of nice restaurants and bars and is a somewhat touristy place to visit. Its a great place though with a lot of culture and a place to meet tons of different cultures. SO this beach offers some surfing opportunities and they guaranteed you will stand up by the end of your first lesson! Unfortunately I was on a tight budget and couldn't hang with them... but they were great to talk to!!! Next time I am in town I will definitely take them up on it!

Flipping it upside down and back to front...

2008-11-27T06:51:00.001-08:00

Marithe & Francois Girbaud, originally uploaded by kunshou.

I love this picture. I love the role reversal. I love thinking about how others will think about this.

Its a beautiful photo and leads itself to many meanings and interpretations. Not much else to say. Enjoy the pic and keep looking for things that are out of the ordinary and even out of place or different.

Stay tuned to the Blog for photos of Peru that will be up the evening! Yay!

i will fix you...

2008-11-26T10:18:00.000-08:00

photo from: http://www.paulridenour.com/CPclocks.jpg

I am currently listening to this song over and over and over and over... if you get my drift.

I am not a Coldplay fan! WHAAAA??? HUHHHHHH? Thats right, I said it! But this song has definitely captured hearts and minds. Everyone who I talk to about this song loves it. Its a simple song but speaks (or sings) volumes.

There is also something about it that rocks us to the very core of our being. Take a look at the lyrics:

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse.

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
"Just what you're worth"

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream, down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face and I...

Tears stream, down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face and I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.

We all have a desire to fix problems and/or things we see. We want to straighten that crooked picture hanging on the wall. When someone is crying we want to offer arms open wide and a shoulder to catch those tears. We like being able to be in a position of fixing someone.

I think why this song has been resonating with me lately is that I feel like there is some fixing to be done in my life and I like the thought of someone coming and helping "fix me."

Take a listen to the video and tell me what you think. I smile and get pumped everytime I watch this!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jBEYyHGbwto

nothing to say...

2008-11-25T14:24:00.000-08:00

I feel like i have to put something up here because it has been forever since I have written something! Forever actually translates to like 4 days, but its all good.

So I am back from Lima... I made it in no problems. Not a very comfortable flight and the airplane food was just garbage!!! I normally don't mind it, but this was beyond awful. Imagine, I spend a week eating local food and running the risks that it entails and then get on board a plane for a company I work for and I get all liquidy! Gross eh? Food, by the way, in Lima is delicious. I highly suggest a little Tuca-Tuca and cebiche topped off with a pisco sour. Did I say how much I miss Lima? Anyone with a job offer in the Lima area, send it my way. I am ready to take it!

So nothing new here. The Montreal Alouettes lost in the Grey Cup... what else is new? The Montreal Canadiens are in a slump and can't find any good rythm. That sucks. We are 30 days away from Christmas... thats fun! Although Christmas day is a make believe date. But Christmas is always fun... so looking forward to that.

Ok... I will end this here. I am just kind of rambling because I feel the need to update this and keep it fresh... I have pictures from my trip to Lima coming soon. Tomorrow or the day after! They're great! You're great!!! Yay!

Here is an older picture to keep you interested!

Ahhh TATTOOS!!! Run away!

roller coaster in the barillo...

2008-11-20T19:50:00.000-08:00

So I experienced the most intense roller coaster ride in my life.

Today we got a later start to our day because we wanted to go to a photo exhibition downtown Lima which opened at 11am. So we headed out by cab as we have been for the past couple days. Our cab driver didn't seem to know where he was going. He had no idea actually. We took out our map and he stopped to ask directions 3 times. But we ended up going through the worst part of town. Our host had specifically recommended to stay away from that area without a group of locals being our bodyguards.

We did not go the usual way to get into town and we quickly realized we were going through the poor of the poor. It was fascinating and eye opening to go through there. To see how the rest of the city lives was sobering and soon became scary. All of a sudden the tension just shot through the roof. Our cab driver started getting jittery and kept looking over his shoulder. I felt like i was in a spy movie and we were being followed. We knew the seriousness of the situation but still wanted to push the envelope and take pictures. This was a once in a lifetime opportunity and these pics had to be taken! This being said, I was not so quick to pull up the camera and snap away. The stress was palpable... the driver rolled up the windows and told us to put away the cameras. He was worried about us, but more importantly about him and his car.

It was a very surreal experience. We felt privielged to view a part of Lima that screams reality and a side that most people don't see. There was a little excitement to be doing something different and dangerous. However, our logic kicks in a now we want to get out. We notice that we are being noticed!!!! The car is bouncing all over the road due to potholes and craters. The driver is tense and the traffic is hemming us in. We were actually bumped a couple times by other cars. With the windows rolled up the heat is now oppressive. We are following a bus who's exhaust is black and toxic. I can't tell you how nervous I was. The first chance we get we are out of that car and heading to a "safe zone."

I am glad to have made it out and really happy that Lima is safe!!!

they stormed the city!

2008-11-19T20:07:00.000-08:00

Hey...

I am still in Lima... thankfully! Still loving it here and with each minute that passes by I want to pour myself into its culture.

Today was an early morning start for us. We headed out for a little desayunos(breakfast) in the heart of downtown. Once we had had our cafe con leche we went walking again and got to the main square where the presidental palace is. As we looked around we could tell something was going to happen. There was riot police everywhere and there was a slight edge in the air. We waited around and were rewarded with a military band playing some really good tunes. It was big band meets salsa. It had such a nice kick to it, it caused people to dance in the street in front of swat police in full riot gear. It was really impressive and fun!

Our day continued with walking and a little bit of shopping for souvenirs. However due to a big conference going on and the arrival of the Chinese delegation the city was blocked off in a lot of areas and we were not able to move around as freely as we would have liked. However this allowed us to catch multiple regimens of the armed forces march and parade around the square. It felt like the entire army was there and we just kept snapping away(pictures are to come, but since I did not bring my laptop, you will have to wait to see!) When the parades stopped we finally were able to make our way back to Miraflores (look at the flowers!)

Once arrived we met up with Jorge, our most excellent of hosts, and went out for some sushi. It was sooooooooo good. It was a Japanese-Peruvian fusion and it knocked my socks off! From there we just walked around a little more, because our feet weren't totally chewed up yet, and headed down to the water to have a nice coffee and watch rich people pay too much money for things that they didn't really need. Aren't I a cynical bastard?

Now we are back home and I am blogging... One thing has stuck in my mind from today though. There were a couple of people begging today. I am sure there were more, but I did see about six or seven that really hit me and have caused me to think. It was always mother's with young children and it hurt so bad to see a child not have the same advantages that I have and that my 6 month old has. There is a sadness in their eyes that I cannot begin to explain. However, I turn away. I dont want to look at the reality of things dead on. I want to believe that the mother is not really that hard up and she is bringing her kids, or anybodies kids, with her to make me feel sorry for her... and I harden my heart, ignore her situation, distract myself with just about anything else. I am a cruel for having a granola bar and not giving it to her. I am a liar for pretending that she is not doing so poorly. I am a selfish prick to hold on to my change to get something for those who already have (mainly me). I am a hypocrite for writing a blog about how much I care for those who need it and not making any significant change in my life.

I still love this city even though it can show me for who I truly am.

Lively Lima!!!

2008-11-18T20:21:00.000-08:00

So first day done and my feet are aching!

Lima has vaulted to one of the top positions of favorite cities. Its beyond impressive, surpasses gorgeous, supplants interesting... I cant say enough good things about it.

We started off our day taking a stroll in our neighborhood of La Molina before heading off on a crazy cab ride to Miraflores which is a very desirable place to be. The houses range from run of the mill to spectacular Spanish-villa style to condos that are perched on a cliff looking out on the beach below. We walked down the cliff, snapping photos along the way and when we got to bottom we are tempted into surfing lessons by a couple of the locals. "You can't experience Peru until you have surfed it!" was their claim and was tempted to believe them. There are still a couple days left to the trip... who knows. I might just have to go try it.

We climbed back up the hill in search of food and drink and found it at a little restaurant called "Las Pizzas Bar." We were treated to free pisco sours and were so taken with them that we quickly ordered another round at $10 a piece... (uno mas!!!) The waitress was wonderful (weally?) and the food was even better! hmmm... a pisco sour would so hit the spot right now! Once we got up from our beverages we were off exploring and taking pictures again. We walked to different parts of town and were continually blown away by the buildings and the attention to beauty and their desire to inject it into everything.

We made it back to the cliffs, but this time at a huge green park with "Peruvian crop circles" placed in the grass. The cliffs were awe inspiring and we were able to watch the sunset into the ocean. It was obviously very beautiful cause there were about a dozen couples just making out to it all. We kept walking and walking and walking... but we did cross the biggest and craziest public skate park I have ever seen. Not only was it a skate park but it had a huge dirtbike track... with jumps, kickers... the whole nine yards! We ended up eating and people watching on a busy street and after a strong coffee we hailed a cab and took the roller coaster ride back to our part-time home.

Amazing place people! Make your way out here!!!

Mathieu Picchu????

2008-11-18T06:17:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I am making this one quick... as I possibly can.

I am currently on a mini vacation in Lima, Peru. I decided to go last minute with a friend of mine to somewhere I have never been before so I can scratch another country off my list. The flight over was very enjoyable with the exception of a couple bumps and the fact that the woman sitting in front of me decided to travel the entire flight with her seat pushed all the way back on my knees... yeah...

Peru is amazing. It is really a bustling metropolis where as a westerner you could get whatever you need. We arrived at the airport at around 10pm and it was a hub of activity. Non stop action. People greeting you and pointing you in the right direction. McDonalds, Starbucks, Dunkin Donuts, and Papa John were all waiting to treat you to the Peruvian experience! There are cell phones for rent, jewelry stories to splurge in, and Inka Cola to drink!

We are staying with someone i met through couch surfing and I am amazed at his place. I would definitely trade appartments in a heartbeat. He is very nice and accomodating and I know that this guy is a gold mine! I am very happy with our find!

So today I start my first full day in Peru... I am excited to explore and get out there! I hope to update on other days as we try and find a cheap way to get to Machu Pichu. Dont know if we will be able to...

Couch surfing

2008-11-14T19:45:00.001-08:00

I just joined an online group called couchsurfers. This group is basically for people who are travelling and looking for people to stay with while they travel. Sounds crazy... i know. People voluntarily giving up their homes and letting complete strangers in. They will share their home, their food, their time, and their city for someone who asks.

Can you believe this? I love the world we live in where people are still generous and willing to take a chance on others! Shouldn't it be more like this? Just to read the comments and praises of people who were so hospitable is so encouraging! The amount of friends and connections made on that site is uplifting!

Anyhow... just wanted to let you know. I will be taking advantage of it in this coming week. Hopefully people will feel like having me invade their home! If you are ever in the Montreal area look me up!

the heart of the matter...

2008-11-13T16:12:00.000-08:00

What is this? Trouble in the Crayola factory? Not quite...

This is the first creation by my son... not even 6 months old! I got a new laptop and I thought that he and I should spend some creative time together and he just went to town. He has banging his hands on my laptop to the point where I thought my new toy was in danger of being abused! I had to help him out though. I held the button to allow him to paint and changed the colors once he started losing interest!

And then to top it all off, this afternoon my wife and I took him to the hospital for a little check up. He has a bigger heart than most babies his age as he is bigger than most babies his age! Ha! Its so simple it makes sense! So the doctors thought it best just to make sure all was good because they were hearing a murmur. So we went in for an ultrasound and I got to actually see his heart. I saw it beating and pumping blood. I could look into his body and see him from the inside out. He was blissfully unaware of everything that was going on. He was having fun looking around and being distracted.

I have to say it was amazing to get that perspective on him. To see his insides working while he is just lying there smiling was a once in a lifetime thing. I wish that I was a ultrasound technician so that I could understand it more. And then I started wishing that actually seeing his physical heart meant I could see his "actual" heart. The heart that will control his emotions and not his bloodflow. Who is he going to be? I want to know, there are pieces of me in there!

Then I thought back to his painting. He was just banging on the computer not realizing that his hand was controlling what was up on the screen, but just enjoying the whole ride. I am going to keep doing the same!

Inspiration... breathe it in!

2008-11-08T06:24:00.000-08:00

The Smoke by lucaszoltowski

http://lucaszoltowski.deviantart.com/art/The-Smoke-100571961

I search for inspiration... i scour comics, pictures, speeches, sermons, music, and movies to find it. Its what makes us as humans want to be better, to be different. I like to think of it as reaching out beyond ourselves, the mundane if you will. Reaching out and touching something divine and supernatural. That doesn't mean that all that is inspired is pretty or beautiful. Its something that can push you to see things through a different perspective and alter your perceptions. The picture above is not beautiful by typical standards. It is not full or bright colors and curvy lines and is not full of hope and all that stuff. But it is creative and a lot of work and heart went into it. When I see something that simple make such a huge statement I smile and mentally kick myself for not doing more or not thinking of it myself.

Just for kicks here are a couple of definitions of inspiration that are inspiring themselves:

1. divine guidance or influence exerted directly on the mind and soul of humankind

2. stimulation of the mind or emotions to a high level of feeling or activity

3. an agency, such as a person or work of art, that moves the intellect or emotions or prompts action or invention

4. arousal of the mind to special unusual activity or creativity

Doesn't that make you want to get out there and paint or write a sonnet? It makes me wish that I was more in tune with everything out there. The worst thing about it is that material for inspiration is everywhere. All we have to do is breathe it in!!

"the act of drawing in, especially the inhalation of air into the lungs"

Its as simple as breathing. Just open up and let it in! I would continue but its early and I am worried I am not making much sense. Get out there and be inspired and inspire others! Take the "ugly" and watch how quickly it can grow into something beautiful.

Let me know how it goes!

...better times by Kat-Art http://kat-art.deviantart.com/art/better-times-102182319#

there goes my hero...

2008-11-07T05:54:00.000-08:00

I have always wanted to be a superhero. But I am not greedy. I wouldn't expect a superhero of Superman proportions. Something more along the lines of a Spiderman...

I love the superhero that is a regular guy and has the extra burden of dealing with his power and responsibility of his position. Superman really can't be killed. He can fly into space, he could eat bullets for breakfast, and if he flies fast enough counter clockwise to the earth's rotation, turn back time. Oh yeah, this is a fact! Spiderman can be shot, struggles to keep a job and pay the rent, and has to deal with bad guys as well as relationships with those who are close to him.

I think this is a lot closer to what we live in our regular day. I like to think that we all have this special gift or power and we have to figure out how to work with it on a daily basis. What can be do with our talents to better the world and lives of others.

Then there is also the anti-hero. He is the reluctant hero. He doesn't want to do anything with his gifts for anyone else. They are a burden and the individual feels no responsibility to use them other than for his own purposes. I find these characters intriguing as they usually have a dark past that they are trying to deal with and overcome. There is a desire to do good, but they shy away from the spotlight and they try hard to figure it all out.

I love comic books and stories. I like seeing my life,struggles, hopes, and fears through the eyes of fictional characters.

I hope my little, flying ninja will be be able to be a superhero...

That movie was RELIGULOUS!!!!

2008-11-06T08:43:00.000-08:00

So i went to see Religulous last night. Contrary to what the above poster makes you believe, it is not about monkeys... i was so disappointed. Just jokes... I knew there were no monkeys involved.

But the movie is definitely worth watching, regardless of your faith background. Be warned that Bill Maher seems to be very critical and hurt by religions. There seems to be a particularly toxic venom when he addresses people who are obviously caught off guard. I am not religious at all and I was laughing throughout this movie, however there were times that I felt really bad for the people he was talking to. He definitely has an agenda and will stop at nothing to get it through. But thats what you're paying for... you want him to poke fun and show the most outrageous religious nuts out there.

This movie will definitely challenge what you think and cause you to doubt any preconceived religious/systematic ideals you hold on to.

On a personal note... if you have been following this blog you know that I am a believer in Jesus. Contrary to what the movie would make you think, I have tons of doubts. I cannot guarantee anybody anything about the afterlife. Am I 100% of what is going to happen to me when this is said and done. Nope. Not close. If I could, you would see a very different person. However I am willing to risk a lot and lay down my life for it. A lot of what he said about religions and the people who follow them are unfortunately true. I would be glad to agree with him and do something about it.

Religious folk feel a great need to be right and the documentary brings up a good point that one can't answer some of these questions... but they try anyways. And the answers always seem so stupid and weak. Because thats what they are... they don't make sense because the natural can't fully explain the supernatural. So what happens? A formula for arguing is followed as if they are telemarketers. And when all else fails, attack the person with the questions: "What if you're wrong? What if there is a God and you won't get to be with Him?" Thats it... when all else fails... scare 'em.

Anyhow... i have doubts. I won't be spoonfed pat answers. I am glad that there are movies like this that make me squirm and push me to think a little harder and not take for granted my beliefs.

Bill Maher is still a little bit of a prick though.

In completely unrelated news, this movie below looks like a winner if you are into 3D animation stuff. I think there will be a really good message involved especially in light of the fears that we have and how we are almost programmed into them.

change is here

2008-11-05T06:56:00.000-08:00

So its done... change is no longer coming... its here!!!

For those of you living under rock... in the ocean... with your eyes shut... and your fingers in your ears... Obama won the election. What can I say??? I am glad for the United States and glad for the world. I think this definitely shows a change in ideals and priorities that I think will benefit the US and, by the nature of the beast, the world.

However I am not a political person. I dont fully believe the democracy works. And before I get cyber-jumped-on, let me say that I am glad that I live in a country where I have the freedom to vote and "influence" change. However the system is very flawed... and thats where I feel that it doesn't work.

But back to Barack... Putting aside my dislike for politics, I do believe him to be honest and a man grounded in reality. Though he may not have all the political credentials and experience, that may end up working in his favor as he might be able to think outside the box and shake up the system. And in the end thats all I would really care about. Is his heart in the right place and does he have the creativity to solve a whole plate of very daunting problems.

But what do I know? I am a ballot-spoiling-Canadian!

judging books by their covers

2008-11-04T14:47:00.001-08:00

My son is getting cuter and cuter! Sorry for being a gushing dad... but this picture is just too funny and really speaks volumes about who he is. But thats what I think.... I mean how much can I really know about him? He is 5 and a half months and he is just beginning to shape and form into who he is supposed to be. I can tell what he wants by his grunts and movements and all that stuff, but I couldn't tell you who he is going to be as he grows. He is away for a couple of days with mommy visiting family in the States and I am stuck with work, so I am feeling a little more sentimental than usual. But who he will be made me think about someone I bumped into on the metro the other day.

I didn't really bump into him. People kept a very wide berth from him. It was a teenager... he was about 15 years old and I could tell just by looking at him he was very, very low on the social food chain. It was sad that I could tell this by one quick glance at him and everyone else seemed to be able to as well. His hair was messed up and obviously uncared for. His underwear was sticking well over his waist band for his pants that were too big for his waist and well too short for his legs. His shirt was tucked into his underwear. He had leftover food from a meal on his shirt, cheek, and upper lip. His upper lip was trying to grow facial hair but it was obvious that it wouldn't be a little while for it to fill in. It actually looked like a 2 year old was drawing well outside the lines and gave up after the first few strokes. But besides his appearance it was his attitude that gave him away. He looked dejected and resigned to his fate. He knew that he was at the bottom of the totem pole and I imagine that he has had his fare shair of people teasing him and reminding him of that fact. He stood in the metro accepting of his situation but still sad and hurt. I could tell he had learned to tune out his emotions to emotionally survive. He has created defense mechanisms to slip away from the torment of his peers by not caring in the least. Once you get so low people lose interest because the challenge isn't there. I felt sorry for him, but at the same time glad that I wasn't in his shoes. I am selfish.

I then thought of my son. I hoped he wouldn't turn out this way. I hoped and do hope he will be well liked. Not so popular that people will be jealous and it will go to his head, but well liked enough that he is grounded and can be a go-in-between for all the cliques out there. So I am thinking about how difficult it could be for my son if he is outcasted and I am stuck. I want to say it doesn't matter. It will matter to him no matter how strong he is. It will matter to his mother and I as we see him grow up and face these issues...

It works out to that what will come will come. I will love him no matter what. And that maybe I should spend more time actually reading "books" than judging their covers.

29 year streak over!

2008-11-02T04:41:00.000-08:00

It was bound to happen... one of these days I was going to end up missing it and I am so sorry I did!

So I got up early this morning. My little one decided that we wanted to have a snack at 4am!!! UGHHH!!! But he was so happy and smiley that I actually enjoyed getting up for him! So I get him taken care of and I start getting myself ready to go to work. Toiling on the sabbath... yeah I know. I am a horrible person. So I make a little breakfast and I walk out of the house at around 540am to catch the bus at 556. Its freezing cold! Literally. The grass is all crunchy cause it frozen and not only can I see my breath but I swear my body is giving off steam! So I make it to the bus and I try to keep warm while I wait. My feet are going a little numb and I drift in and out of sleep. I would sit down, but seeing that the bench is metal I am afraid that my ass would freeze to it and then I would really be in trouble!!!

So I wait...

And wait some more...

I swear I have been standing here for 30 minutes. But that can't be... the bus hasn't shown up yet. I start to panic... What if the guy didn't show up to work today. What happens then?? I am really stuck! I start talking to myself. Out loud. Its early so that there is no one around to tell me I am crazy. I start kicking the bus shelter in frustration. Not too hard though, because its too cold for that! I can literally (and I mean literally, literally) hear electricity going through the wires about my head. I am not joking. It sounds very futuristic... like I should be waiting for a hovercraft rather than a bus.

Finally another brave soul wanders over to the bus shelter so I know I am not crazy and I am actually at a bus stop. I nod and smile because I am very happy to see I am not completely crazy and that if I freeze to death at least this guy can steal my wallet and continue to live as me if he so desired. The bus shows up a couple of minutes later and I am happily on my way to work... well not happily, but you know what I mean.

Approimately 40 minutes later I am at work and I am ready to sign in and get my day started. Now realize that I sleep on the bus and metro whenever I can. I am completely oblivious to the world around me, but for some reason my body knows when to wake up and exit my particular mode of transport (I was just going to say wake up and get off, but that sounds to sexual). I look at the clock and it says 6:15am. I am 45 minutes early.

Thats right people. Daylight savings time is over!!! OVER! The one day where we get a free hour of sleep. A free hour!!! And I missed it! I feel like Santa just skipped my house. I have never missed a time change in my entire life and today that streak is over.

Change your clocks people!!! If you live in the part of the world where you need to of course!

doors open, people get out, people get in, doors close

2008-10-29T05:01:00.000-07:00

As my title suggests this should be the natural order of things. Any other way just doesn't work nor does it make any sense. On a bus, subway, elevator, a car... whatever. It just makes sense... let the people get out first!

This morning as I am dragging my semi-concious body to work I am confronted with this almost-absolute truth. I am trying to get off the metro as quickly as I can to let people on and more importantly that I can be on my merry way. However there is a huge wave of people trying to rush in. I feel like a defensive lineman right after the snap. I am pushing through people who are all suicide blitzing! The metro aint going anywhere. If you are trying to get on the conductor will not close the door on your body causing your head to pop off like a well fed tic!

I really could go on further, but I will stop here. I think this has definitely moved up to my top pet peeve. I have thrown aside any "love your neighbor" stuff to the side when it comes to people pushing their way on prematurely. I will lower my shoulder and do my best to walk straight irregardless of who you are. You maybe be a pregnant grandmother army veteran in a wheelchair... I will ram into you and give you the evil eye while I do it.

I am such a bad person!

ummm... can you turn that down?

2008-10-29T04:41:00.000-07:00

Remember back in the 80's (if you were around back then) how the stereotypical noise pollution was some "punk kid" with a boom-box and a bright red leather jacket. The boombox was typically carried on the shoulder so that the loud music would go directly in the ear of its carrier and at that elevation, carry quite a bit further to all those in the neighborhood. This was bad (although in the 80's I was not nearly old enough to care), but at least you weren't surprised. You see some guy carrying a boom box with a dance-like swagger, you knew what you were getting. You were not shocked when you heard loud music.

However nowadays we got something worse... cell phones. Everyone has one (though I do not, so I guess I fall into the ranks of a no-one). When they first came out they were big and bulky. You had to carry them in a briefcase like thing, so there were no surprises. They were also very few in number. But then there were more of them; multiplying like a virus. Car crashes went up dramatically because of them. All of a sudden people started getting tumors in the shape of cell phones. But it was still bearable. My issues have only been in the last couple of years where now instead of ringers (ex: brrring-brrring, beep beep beep) the phones play songs. Full out songs. At first I thought it was cool. I am at fault as much as anyone else. I used to have a cell phone and I downloaded "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" theme song as my ringer. People would hear my phone ring and they would nod their head approvingly and say stuff like, "NICE!!!" "AWESOME!!!!" and "I want that ringer!" It truly was my 15 minutes of fame.

But now people have full out songs and instead of answering their phones like God intended it to be. So now I have to listen to a poor quality of a song that I really don't like in the first place! This basically is due to the fact that I was awoken on my morning commute by "Soldier Boy." There are more rants to come today!!! Stay tuned!

Republican Jesus and burnt eggs...

2008-10-26T08:21:00.000-07:00

I thought this was really funny. JC meets Pulp Fiction. I don't really care too much for politics. Oh well... shoot me. Its just so tiring all the back and forth and the "He raises taxes," "He doesn't care about the middle class," "I'm a war hero," and on and on and on. I understand if you like it... I understand the pull of it all. However it just tires me out.

Speaking of tired... I was really tired this morning. I got up at 530am to take care of the little one and I went to make my breakfast. I was just going to make some eggs. I started them up and then I sat down at the table to wait to flip them over. I probably woke up 20 or so minutes later with the smell of burnt egg permeating my appartment. I cursed my fatigue and misfortune and ate them anyway.

Thanks to my burnt friend Matt Harms for pointing me to this... check out his blog. http://www.mennoboy.com/matthew/ This is actually from a T-shirt

the state of the world...

2008-10-23T14:07:00.001-07:00

I had an interesting experience just now at work. I was helping out a colleague with a problem when a manager walked by and decided to throw in his two cents (more like 1 cent because he has no cents!!! see that? See that play on words? Sense, cents? Get it? Yeahhhhhhhh.....) So basically he is new to the company and though he technically outranks us, when it comes to this job he doesn't know his ass from his elbow (I love that expression!). As he is trying to "help" we are all just looking at him as if lobsters were crawling out of his ears. Finally, he states with authority, "Go ask the Chinese guy. You know?? The little Chinese guy?" And then he proceeded to butcher his name.

Another colleague gets up at this point and is astounded at his stupidity. "He isn't Chinese, he is Vietnamese. Vietnamese!" Its almost as if the manager doesn't hear him.

"So yeah, email the Chinese guy." I look at him and bordering on rude I once again echo that he is not Chinese and his ethnic origins is not the sole way to define him and if that is how he is going to go about it, to at least get his background right! It bothered me quite a bit!

Now I am not huge on being policitcally correct. It took me a while to say firefighter rather than fireman. I still say mailman, because that's what I have delivering my mail. Saying mailcarrier seems demeaning, as if that is the only thing the can do. They are not simply beasts of burden! But I do think that we should be more aware of our world and the diversity that is found in it. Thankfully we have progressed past the point where jobs, wealth, the abillity to vote, and even your future was determined by your sex or the color of your skin (we are moving past that because unfortunately we have yet to overcome all the remaining hurdles.) I used to think that people were being overly sensitive and that we should get over it. However I also think that we have progressed and we have allowed ourselves to come to terms with the hurts and the mistakes of the past.

So I will close with another anecdote. I was at a poetry slam (nothing like tea and crumpets poetry reading) and I was talking to this poet and the conversation came to the fact that I had just become a father. We talked about the difficulties and the joys of raising a child and then he asked me, "Do you have a partner to share the job with you?" I smiled on the inside realizing that in today's world there are so many options to a family's structure. Having a child does not automatically make your married. I could have adopted, I could be divorced, I could be gay... so many options!

I found it fun.

35 cents is a lot...

2008-10-21T06:47:00.000-07:00

So this one is going to be a short one with no photo. Sorry to all you visual people.

Forget 50 cent, I had a problem with 35 cents! No its not some up-and-coming-wannabe-rapper but it was the amount of change in my pocket. I was walking down to the metro (thats what the subway is called in Montreal) and I was completely lost in my own thoughts. I was in a kind of bad mood and all I wanted to do was to get home as soon as possible! So I had reached into my pocket to grab my metro pass and I noticed that I had 35 cents in my pocket. Being in a bad mood, I got frustrated and said what good is 35 cents? What can I do with that?

As I thought this, a guy came up and asked me something. Judging by the way he dressed, his piercings, and home-made tattoos he was going to ask me for something. I put up my defenses and kept my head down hoping not to make eye contact.

"Sorry, do you have 35 cents so I can make a phone call?" And in his hand he had a nickel and a dime.

"No. Sorry." And I kept walking and disappeared down the escalator. In less than a second I had lied to this guy... twice! I did have exactly 35 cents which I wasn't very thankful for and that were virtually useless to me! And I unfortunately wasn't sorry. I had my head up my ass and thought that the world was coming down on me, when this street kid needed to make a phone call. I had a huge gut check on my way down to the metro. I didn't care. I want to live my life where I treat others with the respect they are entitled to. Even more than that! I want to treat them better than they deserve. How many times have I just finished shopping for whatever it may be and a homeless person asks for some change and arms laden with goodies and with comparitively full pockets I tell them no I don't have any. How many times have I lied about this?

I am glad to say that I turned around when I got to the bottom and went back upstairs to find the guy still asking for change. I gave him the 35 cents I had and apologized. It was an awkward conversation, though incredibly brief, but the guy was a class act and was just happy that he could make his phone call. Doing the right thing is so often incredibly bittersweet.

Best 35 cents I ever spent!

My morning commute

2008-10-17T05:11:00.000-07:00

Today I have an early morning shift; 7:00am-3:30pm. Its nice to get the afternoon off to do whatever it is I have to do, but getting up this early is sooooooo tough! I used to drive in to work but even at 6am there is traffic. I live in a part of town (or just outside of town) that it always seems as though there is traffic. Its unbelievable actually. At 6am it takes you almost an hour to get into work door to door. The people who wake up to beat the rush hour traffic create a mini rush hour traffic. Its so frustrating!

I love driving. I love controlling the pace of how I come in. I like catching up on the sports scores on the radio. But coming into work at 6am in a traffic jam is no longer driving. I feel like I am in a soap box racer with nothing but uphills ahead of me. So my wife convinced me to abandon my morning drive for public transport (see previous post for other things she makes me give up!!! :) ). I didn't like the idea of turning in my wonderful car... I even donated the thing to a non-profit organization just so I can't turn back! So I used to drive my car and be in my little bubble where I control where I go, what I listen to, what I see. Its my own little world, moving along and rarely interacting with any of the other little worlds alongside me. Unless they decide to cut me off and then interaction abounds!

So now I like talking the BMW (bus, metro, walk for those of you from outside of the Montreal area. Although I walk to get to the bus which brings me to the metro which pops me out right next to my work.) I enjoy being able to read on my way to work and sleep if I choose to. I like watching people fall asleep as their heads bob up and down like a floating cork. I like the fact that I am helping out the environment and the city's infrastructure. However I have noticed that there is something interesting about my morning metro rides. If you want to see how culturally diverse your city is, ride public transport in the wee hours of the morning. I get to ride with the United Nations every morning.

They get on with the lunches for the day and the free newspaper that is handed out at the doors of the station. They wear uniforms or multiple layers because they probably don't have the best jobs out there. At different points during the commute people get on and off and when they recognize a fellow countryman they give a big smile and immeadiately begin to speak rapidly in their native tongue. I hear very little French or English. I have started to recognize some of them and I know that their shifts are a lot longer than mine. If you have personal space issues they quickly disappear as you cram into your little seats (if you're lucky enough to get one!) and brush hands as you try to keep your balance when the vehicle comes to a complete stop. It truly is an enriching experience, though at six in the morning I am not at my best to appreciate it.

Lessons from a tea bag

2008-10-16T14:38:00.000-07:00

My wife put me on a diet. If you knew me you would find the concept of me dieting is ludicrous. I have never done it and never planned on it. My idea of dieting was restraining myself from ordering an extra Big Mac Combo. I enjoy eating. Eating enjoys me. So anyways...

Part of this diet was to cut out sugars and caffeine from your diet. It is supposed to help balance you out and make your body better prepared for this change. So no more coffees, Coke, or ice cream. Damn! So I have been drinking herbal tea with flavored with natural nectars or sugar substitutes. My search for herbal teas led me to this particular company "Yogi Tea," of which I am now a big fan. If you read the box this tea should get a Nobel Prize. I feel better just buying it! It makes my drinking seem so spiritual! The universe wants me to drink this tea! Its almost like a spiritual rush. But I of course manage to screw it up. Each tea bag has a little quote on the "tail" of the bag that is supposed to lift your spirits and bring you into alignment with the universe. Today it was:

"Socialize with compassion, kindness, and grace."

I dropped the tea bag into the boiling hot water with a little too much vigor and the little tail went into the steaming briney deep. Natural reaction made me make a rush for and and I pretty much burned my fingers trying to fish it out. Profanities and footstopping shortly ensued afterwards and I can tell you that there was not much compassion, kindness, and grace in my first couple hours of work.

typical T-Giving post...

2008-10-13T08:14:00.000-07:00

Well it's thanksgiving (Canadian style) and I am at work... working. Well blogging too. Its really dead today. Why do I have to be at work on an official day off? Especially since it was an early start and I was up late preparing supper for tonight. I wanted to do as much as I could last night because I wasn't going to have the time. And it has to be good. The inlaws and my family are coming over! So basically I am a little grumbly this morning. But here comes the thanksgiving day twist!

I have to be thankful for my job. This job that I severely dislike and sucks the life away from me like a chupacabra (latino demon/bogeyman... the word literally means goat sucker). This job pays the bills, is ultimately flexible, and is giving me time-and-a-half for my thanksgiving shift. What about all the other people who don't have a job and who would kill to work a day in my conditions, not even mentionning holiday pay!

I am thankful that I had to get up early. Even though I could sleep till the cows come home and getting up early aches in ways I am sure you can undertand, I am thankful. I got hold my son as he woke up and I got to see him smile as I got ready and left for work.

I have to be thankful that I have a home and food. I have a place to live and food to eat. I am in a position to welcome family over and share all the extra that I have.

There are tons of good things that I can be thankful about. So many that i would not be able to count them out. So maybe the issue is not what are all the good things I have to be thankful about, but the bad things. What are the things that I consider to be "less-than-positive" which most of the people on this planet would gladly accept as the difficulties of their existence.

Eat some turkey, gobble gobble. Be as happy as that puppy up there who just loves running! That reminds me, I have to go jogging... ugh! I am not going to be thankful about that!

Birth of a Fenix... 4.5 months later

2008-10-08T16:31:00.000-07:00

Well... it has been a while since my pride and joy and graced this planet and I am going to copycat a friend of mine who has explained the name origins of his kids. Here we go!!!!

My son's name is Fenix Mateo Jarry. I will explain Mateo first just because its so much easier. My dad's first name is my middle name. My first name is now Fenix's middle name... with a Spanish twist!

Fenix is a much longer and more complex story. First let me explain a little about the myth of the phoenix. The phoenix is a mythological bird that holds great power and influence. It is a story found in many cultures across the word. The most common story is that this unique bird builds a final nest/funeral pyre and is then consumed by fire only to be reborn out of its own ashes. This story meant a lot for my wife and I as we had just gone through a rough time in our lives (through the fire) and we had just come out of it and new life came out of it. So it means a lot to us. There are some really cool stories about the phoenix and I will just share a couple.

One story involves Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. When the famous couple ate the forbidden fruit, Jewish myth says that they shared it with all the animals in the garden, which is why they all got kicked out. The only one that was spared was the phoenix because he did not partake and his reward was this type of immortality.

Another story describes how in ancient Greece the phoenix was a sign of good fortune. Politicians looking to gain favor with their public would avidly search for the rebirth of the phoenix which was an good omen and a sign of a great era to follow.

Besides the hundreds of stories the phoenix also symbolizes many things for many different peoples. Here are a few:

Immortality, Life after death, and Resurrection: Christians adopted the symbolism of the phoenix as an allusion to Christ's resurrection. In the Middle East they link the phoenix with palm trees which they consider to be eternal and powerful with their ability to prosper in desert conditions(very similar to rising from the ashes).

Divinity, Spirit, and Spiritual Obedience: Almost all cultures consider the phoenix to be a divine creature. The Chinese believe it to be the most sacred creature after the dragon. In fact the phoenix complements the dragon (yin-yang principle). In Japanese and Greek myths the phoenix represents the sun which was viewed as a god. Also in Judeo-Christian stories the phoenix embodies spiritual obedience as it is the first creature to hear God's command and obey it.

Health, Healing, and Balance: Obviously any creature that can regenerate itself from its own ashes must be in top physical condition and in great health. It is believed that the tears of a phoenix can heal any wound or injury including death. Some cultures say that the phoenix acts as a sort of ozone layer and protects the planet from the harmful rays of the sun. Another tradition shows how the phoenix values life and describes that the phoenix never kills and does not crush anything wherever it steps. The phoenix also plays a significant role in terms of balance. The chinese identified him as a symbol of inseperable fellowship, between couples and with the universe. This inseperable fellowship consists of maintaining a perfect balance which the Chinese held as of utmost importance.

Another reason that we went with Fenix was the fact that it is trilingual. Being that my wife is latina and we are both linked to Quebec and I have we both speak English it was important that it worked in the three languages. There is an accent over the "e" which this blog does not accept and so Fenix is acutally spelled the Spanish way since the "ph" as an "f" sound does not exist in Spanish. We also wanted to be different and not have to link it to the city in Arizona... so there.

So we hope for the best for our little man. We feel that the name Fenix reflects a piece of us and our lives and the things we hope for our son. I believe that it is tough and macho enough while maintaining a certain grace and artistic quality which we hope to pass on to our curious boy.

There are tons of other stories about the phoenix the span many, many cultures and if you would like to hear more please let me know. Or if you just want to know about Fenix I will be more than happy to field those questions as well!

Reflections of you...

2008-10-07T14:45:00.000-07:00

I think that's the name of a song... not sure. But anyhow... I have been chatting with my wife about who I am as we work out whats wrong with and doing the typical psychological analysis. I am not saying that there is something seriously wrong with me... I am not medically crazy or something. But you know, we are just taking the time to look at me and kind of sort things out. Once you get married or you have a seriously relationship this will become the norm and your partner will live for these moments! Just kidding... love you babe! Oh boy... I will probably have to go through another one of these things when I get back home! :)

So for the purposes of keeping this blog active I am going to chat a little bit about reflections.

Visually speaking they are amazing and will continue fascinating us forever. Imagine one of those gorgeous landscapes with the mountains surrounding a still lake. The upside-down mountains we find in water, lined up against the real thing will take our breath away. Just seeing something again, differently, or in something that you wouldn't expect will keep us busy and interested for a long time. You ever notice that in most major buildings you will always find a mirror by the elevator or in the elevator? The reasons that its that are a) aesthetically speaking its very nice and makes everything seem larger and b) people spend their time looking in the mirrors and they dont notice the time pass.

As a photographer I am always looking for reflections of things. On the left you can see a photo of water drops reflected on the spoiler of my car. Underneath those reflections you can see the hazy mirror image of the tree outside my parents house set upon the blue sky. Sometimes you really have to pay attention and catch what is already out there. It takes work to see the things that your mind will pass over quickly as mundane.

So there is a deeper meaning to all of this. I think its the same thing with my life. I dont think I search hard enough to reflect upon what is going on in my life. I just gloss over things and not realizing that getting a different perspective can certainly help and make me see things more clearly. Its not obvious to stop and reflect or look at that reflection of you. Sometimes its not fun and you see things you dont like. Its so much easier to ignore it and continue on your way!

I haven't spent tons of time thinking this out and making something really powerful that will make you go home and look at yourself differently. However the main points still stand. Reflections are beautiful and whether or not we realize it, we are drawn to them and are mystified by the mirror-image. Reflection is necessary for our own lives. We gotta take a deep look at we are and see ourselves with all our blemishes, pimples, and unshaven stubble. Hey vampires can't do it... we should take full advantage.

what i believe...

2008-10-06T06:53:00.000-07:00

I have been putting this off for a long time because I really don't know what to say. I was thinking about doing research and coming up with something really intelligent, well-planned, and thought out. But that's really not my style. I am a think about it a little bit, procrastinate a lot, and then just get something out there because I have been putting it off for way too long. So here goes...

The things I read, the things I do, the jobs I have had, and the things I say have caused quite a few people to ask, "Are you religious or something?" How they get that I am not entirely sure. I use profanity freely, I shock people, and do some crazy and downright stupid things. I guess I do them with passion... so that passes. I don't like the term religious because I hope and feel that I am not religious. At all. Not in the least bit. The only thing I do religiously is check my facebook to see if people still like me. However I do have a great degree of faith.

I have faith that things will work out in the end, no matter how badly they are going now (which sometimes feeds into my laziness). I believe that there is a God out there and that He (or she, I think that God is gender-neutral but I have so conditioned to write He, I just can't break the habit... see Pavlov's dogs... woof woof!) cares for me a great deal, cares for you a great deal, cares for this planet and all thats on it a great deal, and cares an even greater deal for how we all interact together. I love this God. He is funny. I think His favorite style of humour is irony. Not always so funny for me, but normally I am able to laugh at it in hindsight. (I wish my hindsight could be my foresight... that would help things quite a bit) I see God as Jesus and most of the stories that are told about Him, I can go along with.

Some of the stories I don't necessarily disagree with, but I think we focus on the wrong things and make mountains out of mustard seeds, spiritually speaking. Man (woman too, but chances are due to how the world worked back then we can hold men more accountable) has gone and screwed up things completely. They were faced with situations, events, and ideas that were so impossible to explain they had no choice but to try and explain them. Why did they do that? I am not sure but we still do it today. We want to take care of these kinds of things. We need to solve the mysteries out there so that they don't scare us. We want them put into boxes (or systems as my friend Tim says) so we can put them on the shelf in the storage closet where it will never haunt us again. So we try and explain the things we can't possibly comprehend and so we do a piss-poor job of it and make things worse by hurting the people and the planet that get abused by the system put into place.

So without going into a huge song and dance about how religion is a system to explain spirituality and God and that it often fails horribly because of its intent, I will quickly close about the things I hold as important. I believe that because we are not the end all and be all of the universe we need to act like it. There is a God out there and the most important thing is to love Him and seek to know more about Him because your life will change for the better. It doesn't mean you will be happier or things will be easier. But things will be better. We need to love those who don't get love because they need it most. (its hard... i struggle at it... alot) This means the people who cut you off in traffic, the person at work you can't stand, or that unpopular loner at work/school. That if you are reading this you are most likely incredibly fortunate and well off by world standards and we have a responsibility to help those outside of our immeadiate circle. This includes people of whatever race, color, language, background, and religion. (and preferably while we do these things that we are not profiting for ourselves and enhancing our position). I believe that we need a little more discomfort in our lives in order to remind us of our position. There are all kinds of other things up in my head but I think the last one I will throw in is to be inspired by things and allow these things to push you into action and inspire others. So whether you like to sing, dance, paint, write, meditate, preach, give, run, work, or whatever... just do it. Fairly simple and not that deep but I actively seek out inspiration and it always makes me feel better and I have known it to help others.

PS... these pictures I find something inspiring about each of them even though they have a typically religious theme. Peace...

Hurricane Ike, Turn-away!

2008-10-05T06:41:00.000-07:00

Ike Turner... get it? He probably hits harder.... ooooooh! That is not funny, but i still went there.

Well he had to deal with Hurricane Ike while we were trying to enjoy a little vacation in Cayo Coco, Cuba. Home of Fidel, Che, and Rum. Due to the weather and the fact that we had to leave early meant that I didn't get to see much of any of them.

So we flew down on a special deal for an all-inclusive. Why were we so priveleged to get a special deal? Because a hurricane was on the way. Now we are no dummies. We know that hurricanes are crazy strong and they don't just mean a "storm" was going to pass through. We did our research. People had told us that it wasn't so bad and that it would quickly pass and Cuba was well equipped and experienced for these kinds of things. So we got down there and the first morning we got our hurricane warning and evacuation procedure... gulp! Still we were unphased. Then that evening room service came and asked if they could tape up our windows (see pic above). How did they know we were going to do it and why advertise to everyone...? Actually it was to help protect against the window breaking. Gulp part 2! Even though it was a nice sun-shiny day the wind was blowing fairly strong and we knew that we weren't so far away from experiencing something very powerful. We were advised that night at dinner that in prepartion for the hurricane that we would all have to meet in the shelter at 7am the next morning. Gulp, gulp, gulp! As we headed back we noticed how all the windows were now boarded up, the bars had been closed, any glass tables were locked up and put away, and people were drinking like fish. (fish don't actually drink like we do, but its fun to imagine a bunch of fish sitting around and drinking... ok its not that fun. lets continue) We packed our baby's bag just in case we needed to get out of there in a hurry... oh wait. Did I leave out the fact that we had a 3 month old with us??? We are adventuresome are we not? We had some of the staff and hotel customers cast us disapproving looks for our poor parenting choice. We're really horrible people.

So we get a phone call at 1am that night just wanting to check up on how we were doing. Ummmm... thanks? We're fine? Really sleepy... but fine. We didn't sleep that much so when they called back at 4:30am and told us: "Get out of your room, NOW!" We were ready to go! The wind was howling and the rain was dropping so hard you've think it would knock your eyeballs right out of your head! Clo had the baby, wrapped up and covered as much as possible and I had my camera bag, passports, Fenix's suitcase, and his diaper bag as we started our trek to the shelter. We had a great room far away from everything and close to the beach, but at this point we were not so keen on our room assignment. We moved slowly and were soaked before we even took our first step. As we moved one of the hotel staff saw our predicament and grabbed Fenix from my wife. He had a solid rain jacket and covered him up as best as possible as another one came over and offered up his raincoat. We moved from building to building trying to get as much shelter as possible. The whole time Fenix is smiling and laughing as if this was the best vacation ever! Seeing that he was only 3 months, that could have been the case!

So we finally reach the shelter, which by the way is only the cafeteria boarded up. We try to make do with the stiff backed chairs and the damp towels we are handed. Imagine all of us crowded in there trying to get comfortable and trying to sleep. Fenix was pretty happy though. He got a nice bed and a lot of attention, so he was good. The rest of us were stuck trying to stay up or sleeping on the floor. It was not very comfortable but we managed to last the 12 or so hours we were there. We did fun things like eat...uh.... .... and play Bingo Bingo Bingo! Not just Bingo. But BINGO, BINGO, BINGO!!! Cubans apparently like yelling bingo and so they want you to say it three times. Once the storm passed we were set back out into the wild. And it did look wild. Trees uprooted, windows broken... the whole nine yards. We had little electricity, no water, and no way to cool down as the beach and pool were closed. Good times.

We were soon evacuated out when Air Canada sent a plane to rescue us. Not just us, but a whole bunch of people. So we lost out on 3 days of our vacation and were not refunded for it. But we were ready to go. We had had our fill. We really want to see what Cuba has to offer... but maybe we will wait till the nice season.

The Battle of Paris...

2008-09-29T05:29:00.001-07:00

Paris 029, originally uploaded by impactmatt.

.... you i wont do what you tell me!!! .... you I wont do what you tell me!!!

If you like Rage or know the song, you know what word I am leaving out. Sometimes I sing the unedited version in the car when I am fending off erratic drivers and my own road rage!

So yeah... we went to Paris because my wife wanted to go to the RATM concert. We went for a total of four days. Now before you think we are loaded with cash, we are most definitely not... by North American standards anyways. We do not walk around with money bags with dollar signs on them, but we do live comfortably when I think about those who do not have. Please remember that I work for Air Canada (and with current cutbacks, who knows how long that will last!!!) and flying cheaply is a huge perk of the job.

So we get to Paris, with carryon's and Fenix in tow and we take public transport to get to our hotel. Paris is a beautiful city and I will not go into describing all the old buildings and all the monuments but focus on a couple of things that stood out to me.

- Cafe's
I had a great time sitting at cafe's. It is the ultimate Parisian thing to do. You have your cafe au lait and a croissant, take out a loan to pay for it, and just people watch. All the chairs that our outside face out into the street. You are not supposed to have deep conversations with the people you are with but watch the world go by and enjoy it! We had one bad experience at a late night cafe coming back from the eiffel tower. Paris does have a reputation of being snobby and providing poor customer service. We walked up and sat down and made our order. It was about a quarter past midnight so my wife was not interested in alcohol and caffeine and ordered "un the glace." The waiter looks at her and in a snooty accent asks "Hiced Tea?????" I am fairly certain that we were speaking French and why he replied in English is beyond me. We confirmed her order and that his mastery of the English language in the area of beverages was solid. I then ordered a moccachino. Now I thought this was a fairly common coffee beverage. He looked at me as if I was crazy. He had no clue what that was. He was insulted that I asked him. I explained that it was a mix of a cafe moccha and a cappucino. No dice... this was beyond him. So I ordered a cappucino which I thought he understood.

We waited about 45 minutes... people next to us were served, people came and went, our waiter had many long conversations with his coworkers, and also seemed to take his coffee break(which ironically seemed to be a moccachino). So we left. Just so weird...

Seeing that this has gone on for a bit and I am sure that you are tuning out I will just skip right to the concert.

The buildup was amazing. We got there ridiculously early and I am fairly certain that we beat all 100,000+ concert goers. So we sat in this enormous park waiting for the show to start. Baby Fenix was by far the youngest Rage fan in attendance... and at 3 months we werent surprised. We had agreed that I would stay with him a long ways away from the main area and Clo would try and work her way up close. She ended up heading toward the mosh pit not realizing what was awaiting her. I hung back and when the music started my three month old's eyes bugged out of his head. He couldn't figure out what was happening! He had a little smile on his face though. I think he recognized the music as we had been playing a lot of rage leading up to our departure. He and I eventually left after a few songs due to the fact that i couldn't see anything being so far back and Fenix had had his fill. It was all right though because on the 20 minute walk back to the metro we pretty much heard the rest of the set and beat the traffic.

So yeah... a quick couple of stories about our trip. Stay tuned for next time when we discuss hurricane Ike!

where is the creativity?

2008-09-27T08:49:00.001-07:00

Paris 062, originally uploaded by impactmatt.

Where have I been???? All my subscribers and loyal readers, I apologize... to both of you! How could you have lived without this blog?

Just kidding!!!

I am sure that you have survived well without me! Although I do notice that during the summer blogging does take a significant nose-dive. Regardless I am back and I am going to try and keep this thing up-to-date and interesting.

So where have I been? All over the place... I have had the chance to travel to Vancouver, Victoria, Chilliwack, Paris, London (Ontario), Cayo Coco, and back to London (Ontario). I have had the opportunity to travel with my family (including my little Fenix... now 4 months old) to all parts of the world and experience things like the beauty of a BC Ferry ride, a Rage Against the Machine concert with 100,000 other people, and a hurricane in a tropical paradise!

It has been exciting to say the least! So if you are interested in all these adventures tune in tomorrow when we will start with Rage Against the Machine in Paris!... or I may become impatient and write today! Who knows!!!!

So in closing, here is a little quote that I read in a book: "God is a comedian with an audience that is afraid to laugh!

Here comes the "Man in Black"

2008-07-21T12:59:00.000-07:00

I am currently getting a new tattoo added to my body. I went three weeks ago to get the outline done. Its fairly large, complicated, and my tattoo artist is a perfectionist. Just for the outline it took 9hrs... straight... no breaks... at all. So I was in a twisted contorted position for that whole time. So I have nothing to do but focus on the needle drilling my skin. The radio was on to CHOM 97.7 Classic Rock... and I think I listened to every single classic rock song ever created.

But the tattoo was far from done and I had to return three weeks later to see if we could get it finished up. NO chance there! I spent another 10hrs in contorted positions. Cirque de Soleil has nothing on me! We did take a break though... but you know what we did on our break? My tattoo artist worked on another older tattoo I have that needed retouching! He is very good at his job. This time we listened to CD's and one of them was a Johnny Cash greatest hits kind of thing. I really like his work. I like his story telling style and his attention to those we would most likely want to skip over.

The song "Man in Black" is not just a song but it is a statement of faith, a mission, and a life philosophy. I enjoy hearing something deeper in music that a catchy beat and people going on talking about their bitches and hoes... I heard this song yesterday and I am dressed in black today to remind myself of how much hearing Johnny Cash at 10pm at night in a tattoo parlour meant to me. (lyrics below)

"Man In Black"

Well, you wonder why I always dress in black,

Why you never see bright colors on my back,
And why does my appearance seem to have a somber tone.

Well, there's a reason for the things that I have on.

I wear the black for the poor and the beaten down,

Livin' in the hopeless, hungry side of town,

I wear it for the prisoner who has long paid for his crime,

But is there because he's a victim of the times.

I wear the black for those who never read,

Or listened to the words that Jesus said,

About the road to happiness through love and charity,

Why, you'd think He's talking straight to you and me.

Well, we're doin' mighty fine, I do suppose,

In our streak of lightnin' cars and fancy clothes,

But just so we're reminded of the ones who are held back,

Up front there ought 'a be a Man In Black.

I wear it for the sick and lonely old,

For the reckless ones whose bad trip left them cold,

I wear the black in mournin' for the lives that could have been,

Each week we lose a hundred fine young men.

And, I wear it for the thousands who have died,

Believen' that the Lord was on their side,

I wear it for another hundred thousand who have died,

Believen' that we all were on their side.

Well, there's things that never will be right I know,

And things need changin' everywhere you go,

But 'til we start to make a move to make a few things right,

You'll never see me wear a suit of white.

Ah, I'd love to wear a rainbow every day,

And tell the world that everything's OK,

But I'll try to carry off a little darkness on my back,

'Till things are brighter, I'm the Man In Black.

HOT SHOTS part deux!!!

2008-07-21T12:49:00.000-07:00

Ok... I was watching a movie this morning and I am embarrassed to say that it was Hot Shots Part Deux. Its one of those movies where the humour is completely assinine but yet it is pretty funny.

It does happen to include one of my favorite scenes ever. Just follow the youtube link below. Its really the last 5 seconds of the clip that I enjoy. I am sure it has been done in other movies, but man was it funny in this movie.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qMAcM9_02qA

I wont spoil the actual scene by commenting on it, so check it out for yourself! Short post... another one to come!

poor poetry perfromance

2008-07-16T12:13:00.000-07:00

Just thought i would put up a poem that I had created a while back. I haven't looked at it in a while and it may be garbage, but I am feeling guilty that I have no posted anything recently to the blog...

enjoy?

(Don't try and actually read it like a iambic pentameter kind of poem... the rythm changes and the goal was more of a spoken word kind of piece, with fluctuations and creative pauses! Ha!)

You got the church richly carpeted in His favour
The cross up front showing that He is your saviour
Your Bibles are leather bound, big, embossed in gold
You don't think for yourselves but do as you're told
The Sunday doors spring open to welcome you in
And you guard your weekly heart from others getting in
There'll be no more tears and His arms are open wide
Greetings with puckered holy kisses, but thats only once you're inside.

So God's gotta love you, you live and worship in His home
But only once a week and then you return to your own
He pours out His blessings oh-so abundantly
But one thing's for sure, your God don't love me.

I know that He don't love me because of all the walls you've built
The distance and division destroys, like I deserve the hurting guilt
I know that He don't love me cause the life you've built is so good
And you look down down on mine cause you think you should
I know that he don't love me because you're in and I'm the other
Your Christian country club fraternity won't accept me as a brother.

Should it matter if I'm different, poor, gay or muslim
If I'm shy, unattractive, freaky, or foreign
We've all somehow fallen short and I'd think I'm preaching to the choir
But based upon the way you act that would make me a liar.

"God bless you brother" and "Hallelujah" is the talk you talk
You definitely speak well of your spiritual walk
You see the great unseen and raise heavenward hands
But won't look me in the eyes and grab mine to help me stand
Do unto others as THEY are your brother and sister
But between the well dressed suit and the single mother... you missed her
You're in your caves, your boxes, your bubble
You see anything or anyone on the outside as definite trouble

We are the naked, the poor, the oppressed, the weak
Aren't we the ones you should want to help, the ones you seek
Why am I alone with you and feeling so
So where is the love, the agape, the philio

I know the He don't love me because of the look in your eye
Cause somehow I don't measure up no matter what I try
I know that He don't love me cause I got no jacket of my own
While you're wearing two sweaters in your heated mansion home
I know that He don't love me cause you're in and I'm the other
Your Christian country-club-fraternity won't take me as a brother

God bless the..... the fat and ugly people?

2008-07-11T04:38:00.000-07:00

I was walking through a very touristy part of town the other day and I was eavesdropping on tourists' conversations. I don't know if I am a compulsive eavesdropper (i don't think I am, at least that is what my therapist tells me) but I do enjoy knowing what is going on in other people's lives even though I don't have a clue who they are and I know full well that I will never see them again! A very good friend of mine just got a sweet appartment because of his eavesdropping skills.

Anyhow... so there was this older American couple from the south walking through my fair city and commenting on everything they saw and were experiencing. I could hear things like:

"I didn't think everything in Quebec (their pronunciation was something more like Kweee-bek) would be so French. Why don't they just learn English like the rest of the world."

"Bonn-jur. Je am Americain." (no kidding... if it wasn't your accent, your t-shirt proudly displaying the red, white, and blue would have given it away.)

These are not the average tourists and I do not want to put anyone of them down. This couple was very exceptional... and hilarious!!! So... at this point they started picking on the people, but not really. It was more like a pity-party for unfortunate souls.

"He is so overweight... God bless him."

"She is so homely-looking, bless her soul."

"God bless him... he stinks like something fierce!"

Its as if these were like angels on vacation going around visiting beautiful places and blessing those who were unfortunate. If that is the case, I am amazed at the way the Lord works!!!

However, it is more likely it is just a couple of well intentioned people who are very happy about who they are and need to remind themselves of this fact by picking on others.

Just thought I would share...

Werewolf beer...

2008-07-02T13:50:00.000-07:00

I love Quebec. I love beer. I love Quebec beer. Its all so simple. However, this past weekend my love has been called into question. I was helping a friend move, because the week before and the week after July 1st everyone is moving (see last blog in June for more details.) So anyhow, as custom dictates the movee will reward the mover with beer and food. In this case, there was no normal beer at the store and so we got beer from a small micro-brewery in Quebec City. The beer itself was all right, but the labeling and packaging left much to be desired. It is a horrible idea, but I have to admit drinking werewolf beer is pretty damn funny!

Anyhow, Grimousse is a play on words from the company name Grimoire... (the beer is a red beer so in french it would be a "rousse" and there is foam in the beer and in french that is called "mousse.") Why they chose a werewolf for a label, I have no clue. Absolutely none! This company has other "different" types of names for their beers. For example: L'Armure (which is armour), Ivrest (Everest), Hawaienne (with a bikinied girl on the label), and La Noire Soeur (the Black Nun... which is a play on words in french... the phoenetic sound of Noir Soeur means darkness). So basically we have these trippy beer names. And I am OK with people getting creative with the names. However this beer takes the extra step to add on some weird poem/prose on the label. The french is just as bad as the english translation... have a look:

"Damned to wander in obscurity

Such is his fate for being different

No one could see what is.

Day and night, he prowls; a shadow.

His look dazes those he encounters.

But do not fear, for he can be tamed.

Indulge him and you will see the truth.

When you are ready to whisper his name,

You will be different from the others,

For the legend will be eternal.

His aroma will be unique.

His silhouette will be fearsome for others."

What kind of acid was this guy on? Its a beer people!!! Its a beer with a werewolf on the label!!!! What name am I whispering? What aroma am I sniffing? What are the marketing guys sniffing? What am I indulging to learn the truth? Indulging in too much of the product before it leaves the warehouse most likely.

Anyhow... I found this really funny and bizarre at the same time!

RRRRRAAAAAANNNNNNNTTTTTT!!!!

2008-06-30T19:12:00.000-07:00

Following in the footsteps of some blogging greats, I have decided to get a few rants off my chest....

- Moving Day in Quebec....

This is probably my biggest rant as everyone in Montreal is temporarily homeless on the 1st of July. Well not everyone, but almost... The whole city goes nuts as people are moving from one appartment to the next. The majority of leases are up on the 1st of July, so the night before you have to be packed up and out by morning onto your new domicile. We are like crazy-ass nomads. Nomads do it all the time, but their lifestyle facilitates their frequent moves. Try moving awkwardly shaped armoires with no hand holds that are made of the heaviest woods imaginable up a narrow flight of twisty stairs. It sucks. Everyone is moving, no one can come help you move, all the moving trucks are rented...

Do-gooders of the world! Come to Montreal and help people move!!!

I think its a big conspiracy to get Montrealers to forget Canada Day... I know I haven't truly celebrated it in years because of this issue!!!

- white-suburban homeboys

I dont get it... why do people think this is cool? When white kids dress up in really big clothes and then act all tough and make life difficult for others. (I feel so ridiculously old as I type this. Ya know? Like one of those old guys yelling at technology from his rocking chair on the front porch). I dont know why it bothers me so much. But to see them posturing wearing althletic wear when they aren't athletes or fans. Can you name me one person on the New York Yankees? Because based on the amount of NY gear you are wearing you should own the team. Can you even tell me what sport they play? I think its just a great waste of generation... They are ripping off someone else's lifestyle... live your own!

- tank top undershirts (aka wifebeaters)

Unfortunately not everyone can pull off this look. I cant... not a chance... so I dont do it. Unless you are guy that is really jacked and in shape or an attractive girl (cause that is really hot looking) do not wear these as an outershirt! The only exception to this rule is if you are a really, really, really fat guy. Cause at that point you can wear whatever the hell you want... it can look cool or funny. Either way... I am amused. In between guys.... you just look like rejects from an early 90's boy band audition. Sorry... someone has got to tell you.

I am a horrible and shallow person for letting these things get to me... what can i do? Forgive me people!

random urinals and cleansing vibrators...

2008-06-24T05:37:00.001-07:00

Bagged skeleton in grocery, originally uploaded by impactmatt.

I just thought that today i would plug in some completely random thoughts that have gone through my head recently. Some are funny, some are stupid, some may be in poor taste... so be warned!

-at the urinals-

while I am peeing, pissing, making wee-wee in public washrooms I have noticed that there are two major brands of urinals. The frist one and more common is Crane. The logo usually involves some majestic looking crane on the side of the porcelain depository right next to 3.8liters per flush. I find it humorous that this majestic creature represents where I pee. My dad always goes on about how beautiful and graceful they are, i just think of urinating.

the other brand of urinals that make me laugh is "ZURN" I always pronounce it as "zee-urine." On top of that I through in a German accent a la Turkish from the movie Snatch. The name is genius though. Just seeing the name, you have a very clear idea of their business.

Snatch!!! thats a funny name for a movie. So many double meanings... triple meanings even!

-on TV-

it has been said before by friends and other blogs, but I can't get over these men's hair and facial hair dye commercials. In the olden days it was all about hiding your grays and you had these reformed lumberjack looking guys in bad suits happily brushing in dye to their face or head. They had some really impressive beards. Thicker than the darkest amazon jungle. Now the ads are all about "just a tough of grey." These men are much older and now are being told that keeping a touch of grey keeps you sophisticated, more so than their lumberjack predecessors. And now the men are significantly older and are now doing crazy stunts. They are waterskiing and having beach parties with girls a third of their age and they are the life of the party, because they have "a touch of grey!"

another commercial that gets me is covergirl or revlon or oil of olay or dove... one of those brands talking about vibrating cleansers. This is something that you put on your face and well its supposed to shake loose all the bad stuff on your face and somehow make your skin smooth and shiny. How bizarre! What happened to soap? With all the advances in modern skin care science with every product under the sun we need vibrating cleansers now? You know what would work and would make a lot of money? Cleansing vibrators!!! How about that ad? Wouldn't be able to show that one on primetime tv!

and the skeleton in the bag???? i have no clue. That was in a grocery store near my house two years ago and I thought it was a little bit of overkill. The guy is already dead! Are you worried about the boogeyman and have decided to suffocate him just to be on the safe side?

sorry dumb comment, but hopefully it got your attention!

for poor

2008-06-17T08:05:00.000-07:00

So I went to church the other day... that wouldn't surprise some people, but I guess some people would be surprised. I have nothing against church. I used to enjoy it. I loved getting caught up in meeting people and trying to wow them with your Sunday best. There were pizza nights and youth group and there was this general lovey-dovey-warm-fuzzy-kind-of-feeling when you walked in. People are supposed to like you when you walk in. (whether or not it happens is a different story!) You are supposed to learn deep mysteries about the world here and beyond. Your brain and heart are supposed to be challenged as you meet with other serious spiritual seekers!

But its been a long time since I have been. And the reason I went the other day was for work.

So I have been thinking about the whole church thing. I was blown away with the beauty of this particular church and just all that it has to offer in terms of atmosphere and awe. I was dwarfed by its high arching ceilings and stained glass windows. There were candles in there that were bigger than I am! Everything in there is carefully crafted with a purpose and with beauty. I know that God doesn't literally live in the church, but us humans have built a pretty nice cage for Him (Her/They... i will go with Him simply because that is what I am used to. God is beyond gender and what kind of genatalia He posesses is really irrelevant.) So anyways... I went to church... I always get so sidetracked on weird tangents! I was listening to the Father deliver a message and I watched the eyes of a lot of people light up. Even though it was just for a wedding people were in there looking for answers and looking for something more. It made me miss where I have been. I like looking for answers and my eyes will light up with every opportunity I get, but church is not the place where I want to do that anymore.

I want to experience God and truth and love outsides the sterile confines of the sanctuary. I want to interact, experience, try, fail, and live out this faith, this hope, this spirituality... whatever you want to call it! There is dangerous safety and safe danger out there and I want to live it!

I have no issue about doing that with a church. There have been churches, pastors, and even christians that have inspired me to seek out the best for myself and others. It can be done! I long to go to a building, a sanctum, that lives the life that they advertise and can positively influence me to do the same outside the confines of its walls.

So all this to say that I went to this church to "work." I stood in awe and the beauty of a building that I hope was inspired by the awe, majesty, and beauty of the Creator (there! no gender identification!). I was inspired to quietly contemplate beauty. I was pushed to be still and silent and take in the grandeur that surrounded me. I was challenged to rethink the way that I interacted with things greater than me and why I wasn't doing this more often.

There was also a little metal box that read "FOR POOR thank you." There is a deeper message in there somewhere and I can't wait to find it.

...and a big-titted blonde

2008-06-13T11:39:00.000-07:00

My dad told me a joke the other night that I found funny. That sentence alone is worth blogging about because his jokes are severely lacking in the HA HA category. He gets dozens of them sent to him by various friends through the wonder of the internet. Without these jokes the only emails he would be getting would be how to grow his penis a few more inches and how a prominent diplomat in Nigeria wants to share his money with you as long as you send him money first! The interesting thing is that my dad's memory is going. Its definitely not a funny situation, but the fact that he remembers a siginificant number of jokes to relay to myself and the rest of the family is astounding. He should work in a comedy club... but anways, here is the joke:

George Bush and Dick Cheney are sitting in a bar in Texas having a couple of drinks and talking. Another customer happens to notice and walks over and asks, "Excuse me sirs, but are yo... are you... ?" George Bush nods at the man and informs him that they are the Heads of State. The man, still flustered, says,"its such an honor to be drinking with you in the same bar! If you don't mind and its not too personal, what are you guys talking about?" The president replies, "We are just planning world war III." The man is obviously shocked and asks, "World War III? Wow! Whats going to happen?" George Bush looks at the man and says, "Its going to be a glorious fight. 14 million Muslims and one blonde with big tits will die as the United States of America wins the war in the name of oil... i mean democracy." The man is amazed at the nation's most important secrets but then with a puzzled look asks the president, "I don't get it... what's with the blonde with the big tits?" And with that President Bush exclaims, "I told ya Dick! No one is going to care about 14 million muslims!"

(Just as a disclaimer... I am sure this conversation never actually happened and I am sure that the president would not be sitting in some hole and discussing matters of national security so flippantly. Also I have no issue whatsoever with Muslims and I am not a supporter to the conflict/war. So... this is just to say that I am not insensitive. There is a point to my madness! Oh yeah, and I have nothing against blondes with big tits either! Ha!)

So that joke really isn't that funny, but it did make me think. How often have I missed the point because of the bright and shinny objects with the pretty colors. How often have I gone done the wrong path because it felt like the right way to go even though I was going off in the completely wrong direction. I realize that it is fairly easy to play with someone's minds and perceptions. You can be a spin doctor on anything and make it sound plausible, credible, and even amazing!!!

Moral of the story... be wary of big-titted blondes, love Muslims, and be cautious with diplomatic who share top secrets with you. Thats the way I live my life!

stories in people watching

2008-06-11T12:14:00.001-07:00

thinking, originally uploaded by impactmatt.

Sometimes I catch people just hanging or just chilling out. I don't catch them like they are falling out of the sky, but I notice them even though there is nothing all that notice-able about them. So I guess they catch me off guard. They live in a separate world but yet they share a little bit of mine. We share the space we are presently in, but their story is different. They have a different group of friends. Their experiences are unique to mine. But eventually if we dig deep enough we will realize that we have common interests, stories, and friends (or friends of friends). We have read the same books and watched the same movies. We order the same thing at restaurants and have walked the same streets.

Look at me getting all deep!

Basically what I am saying is that people watching is fun and I do it from time to time and when I get really bored, I invent stories about the people I see and play out their lives in my head! So take this guy above:

"Why did I wear this jean jacket? Its so retro. I can't pull of this look! I might as well grab my hypercolor t-shirt and my Vuarnet sunglasses and put on my L.A. Gear shoes. I am too old for this shit. I have more gray hair than a black and white movie. No wonder I am sitting here all alone. I should be sitting here with the love of my life. We should be planning our vacation to visit the grandkids and what we are going to do with the money I won from that Centrum Silver contest. Instead of planning my golden years, I am sitting here in my jean jacket. That Kevorkian guy has a good idea. Maybe I'll trade my jacket for "an early check-out."

or perhaps,

"Why is this guy taking a picture of me... OK, ok... be cool man... just be cool. Its just a coincidence. He doesn't know what I did... there is no way they could have found the body yet. I buried it so, so deep! Damn! He is still looking at me with that camera! Something is not right here... Ok pretend he's not there. Look innocent... no one knows anything. All right, if I need to run I am going to have to make a break for it soon and then if he follows me... well, I will just have to be sure that I bury him deeper than I did the first guy."

Man... i need a lot of help...

i am a poulet serial killer!

2008-06-08T14:54:00.001-07:00

egg, originally uploaded by impactmatt.

The only eggs that I used to eat were scrambled or omelette style. Everything else made me sick. Though it looks pretty and is very iconic, the traditional yellow and white of an egg did not work with my tastebuds. I could stand boiled eggs until I threw up at a restaurant when I was six and it smelt like eggs and grape juice. The appreciation of grape juice came back... not the rank vomitey smell of boiled eggs... breakfast anyone?

But a couple of months ago I started making eggs over-easy and that I could handle. But then I was wracked with immense guilt! My wife and I just had a baby and thats all I could think of one day when I cracked open an egg. Thats a little baby chick that will never come into existence because I like breakfast foods at anytime of the day! I am taking a little chicken fetus and cooking it up like the diabolical beast that I am! I was there when my wife gave birth and I had the honor of catching him. I was the first person to hold him on this planet and I can't imagine something more special. I saw the placenta pop out a little later... and even eggs have a little placenta-like thing attached to it!!! (you can even see it in the picture!) So I am haunted. What if some huge cosmic being decided to crack my mom open and slowly pour me out into a universal frying pan! Or whisking me until all my guts and innards are one nice frothy mixture.

So yeah... i felt guilty for a while. But I make these really good breakfast sandwiches with three over-easy eggs! They are really good... but thats what I think about everytime I crack open an egg.

the flight of the fenix

2008-05-27T17:58:00.001-07:00

He is here!

Finally! 40 weeks and 3 days after the chosen spermy penetrated the sanctity of the egg, we have Fenix Mateo Jarry!

He is here!

He burps, poos, pees, sleeps, eats, cries, and makes funny faces and I enjoy it and find it fascinating!!! The world is a different place now that my little man is a part of it. I feel more like a protector and a provider. I am a watcher and a warrior. I am more of a lover and a leader. When all is said and done, without his mom and I... lets just say that he needs us big time.

So I want to chat a little bit about the birth of this little guy. As you may know that the traditionally the birth of the phoenix is from the flames and the whole process takes three days. I can see a lot of parallels for my own little Fenix. We were in the hospital for three long days and his arrival probably could only have been more shocking than if he leapt from the flames! (slight exaggeration but it goes well with the story)

My wife went through a lot of pain. Her labor pains started days before we even got to the hospital. For three days leading up to our departure to the hospital, she could barely walk and was left fairly incapacitated. Once we were in the hospital there were all kinds of precautions that needed to be taken. Claudia had tubes running in and out of her. Literally! I mean literally, literally! She had so much clear tubing running out of her she looked as though she was trapped in Spiderman's web. Then when it came to the actualy labor she was pushing for over three and a half hours! She put Lance Armstrong to shame with that show of endurance. Our baby did not want to come out!

But there was that magical moment when we did. When his head popped out and the doctor turned and asked:

"Would dad like to deliver this baby?"

You have to understand that I never hold babies. They are too fragile and precious and a huge responsibility. You want to hold them, but you worry about dropping them. So now the doctor is actually asking me to catch this metaphorical crystal vase that is covered in slimy goo-ness to complicate things even further. So the guy that never holds babies is now stepping up to the plate. I am also not real good at dealing with other people's physical pains. When my wife was getting the epidural put in, I had to sit down (yeah, I was a wuss!). So now I am between her legs (a great place for all husbands to be and how we got into this situation in the first place) and the first person he sees and feels is me. I am not wearing any kind of apron or gloves, so I am covered in life giving slime. I felt like Bill Murray in Ghostbusters 1 when he first meets Slimer.

But I grabbed him, gave him to my wife, and burst into tears. The best present my wife or I ever got.

six days and counting!

2008-05-12T07:57:00.001-07:00

preparing.for.fenix, originally uploaded by impactmatt.

Ok, yet another post about babies and my journey to becoming a daddy!

So, for mother's day I took my lovely Claudia to a tattoo parlour to get some body paint done on her belly. I wanted to her know how much I already consider her a mother even though we are technically missing the main component. The work that she has put in to take care of him though she has never met him is very impressive. The food she eats, the places she goes, the company she keeps... all revolve around our little one. I am not joking... you ever hear of slippery elm? Its a native american herbal secret for sore throats, however it also makes your uterus slippery... for those of you who have them. I find this incredibly amusing to think of my little baby shooting through the uteran canal at high speeds. I can imagine him like a little kid (which is what he is... my imagination is in overdrive..) screaming "WHEEEEEEEEEE!" as he plummets head first on the waterslide to life. A little more blood and sticky stuff though... So yeah, she takes very good care of him and is making preparations to make the birth as fun as possible for both her and the baby. Claudia works really hard at taking care of the baby and so I already consider her a mother. Hence, the mother's day trip to the tattoo shop.

She was very excited to have some work done as we look forward to getting something a lot more permanent soon. So we walk in for our appointment and we are greeted by our artist for the day who promptly advises us how hungover he is!!! Huh! So glad we aren't using any needles today! Now, a few days previous our painter had asked for images and sketches so that he would have something to work on and I sent them out promptly. Of course he didn't have them and fortunately I was able to pull them up from the email that I had sent from my inbox. So our hungover guy started working on sketching it out and about an hour later we were ready to go! Its fun sitting and waiting! So he gets to work and he advises us how nervous he is because he has never done any work on a pregnant woman before. He was sweating quite a bit and was freaked out when the baby decided to move and kick the canvas. He also told us stories from the tattoo parlour world. I felt like I was in an episode of "Montreal Ink." One tattoo guy just broke his wrist because he got into a fight with his present girlfriend's exboyfriend, right in front of the shop! Our artist told us about how he had to do some work on a woman's "titties" and how that made him nervous (the manager poked his head around the corner and advised him to use the word "chest" instead of titties to maintain a certain level of professionalism... too little, too late!) He also told us the stories of how he used to run in a gang in El Salvador and how he got shot and he had to move away to escape from it... I could keep going

But in the end it was a lot of fun and we chatted with him during the whole hour process of getting the artistic creation. It was a unique experience to have her belly tattooed and all these hardcore tattoo guys come by and say how cool it was that we were getting some work done. And then... as we head back down the street to the car this African guy stops us and talks all about pregnancy and motherhood and his experiences as a father and blesses us as we walk on. I love this city!

Anyhow... that is really all I have to say... no deep thoughts or nothing other than I am excited for the next week. I am excited to be a dad. I am excited to go through the whole process and be there for my wife and child. Love to hear from those of you with similar stories and have any advice or tales of your own.

standing room only...

2008-05-10T08:55:00.001-07:00

preg.6, originally uploaded by impactmatt.

Ok... i have not posted anything in a while, basically because all my photography has been "work" related. I haven't been able to get out there and just take some shots on my own and enjoy it. Hopefully soon! But I have to get something up, so I am kicking it old school and bringing out a recent shot that I love.

This is my lovely wife just over a month ago and she looks sublime!!! (which is also a preferred music group of hers) To watch her stomach grow and to feel the life inside kicking out for life is the greatest gift I could imagine! I know the baby is aching to get out, but at the same time he is perfectly content in his little warm, safe world. I understand completely!! I feel like I go through that on a daily basis.

I love the comfort, safety, and pampering that I can receive from western society and the lifestyle that our world provides for us. I have my internet/facebook/fastfood umbilical high speed hook up that keeps me satiated and satisfied. And I guess that has some miniscule place in our lives. Because eventually, we leave our little womb and go out into the world. And when this happens we do not go quietly. There is pain, kicking, screaming, pushing, and professionals in white coats to collect us. Our lifeline is cut and we breathe our first gasp of air. (see Neo being taken out of the machine world in Matrix 1) So now we are out there and we are no longer safe and protected... even though we may have parents(some people don't get to meet theirs and I can't imagine how tough that is) to fend for us, we are now using our own immune systems to fight off diseases and viruses, our skin is shielding us from the UV rays, our lungs are trying to filter the air... its on us... and its not as safe.

But thats OK... we weren't made to live in the womb. We were made to live out in the world... out in the wild! Let us embrace it, let us make the most of it. Sure the womb would have been comfortable, but imagine life without your favorite friend, food, song, or memory. We are pampered, babied, and wombed (not a word, but you understand I hope) only for a short while to be able to take on the world and appreciate it!

Maybe thats another reason why people smile when they see that little baby doing baby things. We smile at how small and fragile they are. We ooh and ahh about their wide eyes and flailing limbs as they interact with our world. But I think we are impressed with this little person as they bravely adjust and learn with bright-eyed-eagerness about this beautiful world that they have a lifetime to discover.

i am a big fat ice cream eating pig... OINK OINK

2008-04-30T04:42:00.000-07:00

I went to Ben and Jerry's last night. I wanted to taste that delicious, mouthwatering, ice cream. However, since they were giving away free cones last night, there was a line up that stretched around the block!!! Combine that with a pregnant wife that needed to pee, really cold temperatures, and the fact I was wearing short sleeves... we went to Dairy Queen instead! Seriously, we left and went to Dairy Queen.

Now I am not a huge fan of Dairy Queen. Not that there is anything wrong with it, but I find it to sugary, too sweet, too much fast and not enough food. I leave DQ with this sickness in my stomach and the desire to wash my mouth out with something cool and refreshing. They are certainly not going to be hiring me for any kind of promotions. So now that we have established my aversion to the Female Ruler of Milk Products (Dairy Queen for those of you going huh???) we end up going and I end up ordering the product that I had been seeing on ads everywhere. I have been lured in by the Siren's Song. TV-says-its-good-therefore-I-will-obey...crush-capitalism...

So I gave into the pressure of what TV was telling me to get. I feel horrible about it actually. I don't like DQ ice cream... so someone explain to me why I am paying about 5$ for some "fancy" frozen treat that I really don't fully like? I don't know... makes me sick actually. So anyways... it gets worse. I am falling into Western consumer culture. I am at a store who's product I don't particularly enjoy... I am paying way too much for something I don't really enjoy (The five bucks I spent could have fed, clothed, educated, and provided medical care for a child I don't know in Africa for about 5 days. Since I don't know him personally, I can brush that off and feel less guilty, although if he was to come over and hang out at my place I would have a hard time explaining to him why I couldn't help him out because I was eating ice cream that I didn't like. I now have to go back in this paragraph and find where was my jump-off point for this tangent that I am now on.)... ok, so I am paying too much for something I don't really enjoy, and I am now EATING THE BOWL!

I think this is one of the ultimate signs of where our culture has gone horribly wrong. At what point, after increasing our serving sizes by 250%, did we say... "Hmmmmm... I have no eaten enough. My dining experience is somehow lacking. I know! I will eat the bowl which my desert came in!!!" Huh!!! Go figure! We are now trying to consume everything before us. No more is it, "Make sure you finish everything on your plate!" or "I want you to lick that plate clean mister!" Now we will be telling our chubby children to eat the damn plate! And this eating the plate/bowl is not an isolated incident... at the hierarchy of the Canadian diet, Tim Hortons (for all you Americans, insert with any fast food chain because I am sure its been done before, or skip over these next couple sentences, or google or wikipedia Tim Horton's to be able to follow along.) had that creamy soup that came in the bread bowl... sooooooo good! I am so hungry right now. What made my bowl eating experience even funnier was that the bowl came in another plastic bowl so that the bowl I was going to eat wouldn't touch their dirty table... so there goes the environment angle that some may try and propose!

So... anyhow. You can come up with your own moral-of-the-story thing. However for me, slowly-but-hopefully-surely I am realizing the error of my ways and will soon be able to go and have a small healthy portion of tofu ice cream straight out of my hands so that I am not stuffing the bowl in mouth or hurting the environment.

I love my city... in spite of things....

2008-04-25T10:57:00.001-07:00

IMG_0246, originally uploaded by impactmatt.

Ok... so there were riots. People were hurt, cars were burned, and stores were vandalized. I am profoundly sorry for the people who were affected and I am very sorry for my city. This is not what my city is about.

Over the past few days I have had floods of emails, calls, and comments about how we should be ashamed of what happened.

"The actions of the past few days are exactly why Montreal will never win another Stanley Cup."

"There is something wrong with you people in Montreal."

"What did YOU take?"

Now I am ready to riot... I am from Montreal, so automatically I stole something? Are you freaking kidding me? You want to run that by me again? Montrealers are not MORONS and those who support the Montreal Canadiens are not vandals in hiding waiting for an opportune moment to strike. You cannot lump hockey fans or Montrealers all together because of that reprehensible act of the few. If you want to live by that code, get ready to point that judgement and condemnation inward! So by that token Germans would be Nazis, Japanese would be samurais, and blondes would be dumb.

Just a few facts... I was there taking pictures after game 7. People were celebrating, dancing, and shouting in the streets. Complete strangers hugged each other and exchanged celebratory smiles with each other. Hardcore-looking-anglophone-gangsters were linked arm in arm with traditional-conservative-francophone-seniors. People shared their brown-bag beer and offered toasts to the city's and team's good fortune. Besides slowing down traffic, nothing serious happened with the Canadiens fans. (There were a couple of people burning Bruins jerseys, but there is nothing really wrong with that... and a few Bruins fans got heckled... but come on don't scream Habs suck and Habs were lucky just after a loss... in Montreal...wearing a Bruins jersey with "Habs Suck" written on it. Use your head!)

I am not saying that nothing bad happened. A lot of people were hurt financially, physically and emotionally. However this is not due to the Canadiens or Montrealers... There are people, given the right circumstances, will profit from a situation. These people came prepared with firebombs and plans to wreak havoc. These people came prepared to influence others (who were probably already under the influence) to continue with distractions and vandalism. This can happen anywhere and potentially to anyone. Remember how Christians got on the whole "slavery is ok because the Bible says so" bandwagon. You ever go out with a guy/girl who maybe influenced you to go further than you felt comfortable? What happened is not a hockey problem, a Montreal problem, a French problem...

ITS A PEOPLE PROBLEM.

It because there are people who think of themselves as more important than others. Their immediate needs are more important than the long term effects on society and the world. There are people who have some serious hurts and holes in their lives that they need filled. Maybe they need people to encourage them and pay attention to them. Maybe it sounds really cliche, but maybe they need a big hug and someone to tell them that they mean something and don't have to resort to extremes for people to pay attention to them. I really don't want to sound like Dr. Phil, but it would think it obvious that these people are missing something(and most likely not left footed Reeboks stolen from the Reebok store. The funny thing about that is they went in and stole shoes off the floor and all they got were a bunch of lefties. They won't even be able to wear them!)

So now we have this people problem... what do we do about it? Do we sit from our places on high and point the finger and cast down condemnation as if we were gods on Mount Olympus? Do we make fun of the city where it took place and write off an entire population? Do we litter the streets of Montreal with riot police every time we have a game? I don't know actually... as I was typing I was thinking that I this great idea would come to me and everything would be all right... but nothing is coming. Pointing the finger won't work. Name calling won't work. Extra riot police might actually help, although it felt like I was in some police state under martial law last Thursday after game one of round two. However I feel that all the previous things that have been done is for those who don't really care about why this is happening but don't want it to happen again. Its like when my "service engine" light comes on in the car and I put a piece of tape over it. If I can't see it, well its not a problem!

So... I stand by my city. Even with the riots and the blackeye its given Montreal, I will stand up. While the world sees pictures of charred police cruisers and broken store windows, I see a much different story. So lets not point the finger and feel good about ourselves comparing ourselves to the people who burned, looted, and rioted. Because... we have all done it. Maybe we have not burned police cars and caused chaos but we all have a little inner turmoil and fires that burn within us.

a canadiens fan stress...

2008-04-21T16:12:00.000-07:00

As I write this, my Montreal Canadiens are in the battle of their lives to climb out of the first round of the playoffs. I am at work, jealous of those who have off and stressed that I can't be at home yelling and screaming at the tv screen. BECAUSE it does make a difference. They can hear me through the boob tube and the coach will adjust his lines based on the yelps, groans, and fist pumping from my couch.

I love this team and I love watching them succeed. But even more I love how the city reacts to their success. We won't talk about when they fail... it is just ghastly (ooooh big word! Ghastly!)!!! But this city has been buzzing with activity and support. I wouldn't be able to count all the flags that people have attached, taped, glued, tied, and welded onto their cars, homes, and place of business. The entire Montreal Fire Department is getting burned (great play on words) for painting the fire stations in support of les Habitants! The mayor is not happy since he is on an anti-grafitti kick. Where is his spirit!? No multiple terms for you! It has been amazing to see how this team's success or failures have tied this whole city together in a knot of electric frenzy!

Montreal is one of the most beautiful cities in the world and hockey is truly one of this city's passions. And whether I am looking at the ugliness of them losing (which doesn't happen often and better not happen tonight), the panic of fans, media, and players as we enter game 7 of a series that should have ended in our favor 2 games ago, or the sound of "ET C'EST LE BUT!" on RDS, I am reminded of how special this all is.

No real other reason for this post... just to go on about my Habs and my city. We're up 1 - 0 right now!

Sugar off!

2008-04-09T10:01:00.001-07:00

tall.trees, originally uploaded by impactmatt.

Its spring time again in Montreal! Its the time when the temperature creeps up past freezing and the 5 feet of snow build up melts down to only 3 feet. Its the time when Montrealers put on t-shirts and celebrate the sun, even though it really is still too cold for that kind of thing. Winter tires get wore down and the potholes that were filled up by the snow are now filled up with water (and small civilizations of stranded car owners that fell into them). It is also the time of year for a time honored Quebecois tradition of "la cabane a sucre!" In English that is called "sugar shacking," or "sugaring off." I don't like that last term... just sounds dirty. "Ahhhh why don't you just sugar!!!" "Why don't you sugar off?" "Sugar you!" "Sugar yourself!"

So what is this tradition that we partake in? Essentially it is to drive way out of town into the country, sit crammed up with hundreds of people you don't know, eat the fattiest foods known to mankind drenched in pure maple syrup, and then the next day start treatment for diabetes. Let me give you an idea of my last trip was like.

My wife and I get into the car to drive out to a little town that is called St Marc-sur-Richelieu-sur-le-lac-St-Ambrois-de-l'Assomption-de-la-Sainte-Marie-Colis-que-c'est-long-ce-nom-ville. This town cannot be found on the map or on any street signs because the name is actually bigger than the town itself. The only reason we can find the place because the line of parked cars stretch halfway back to the city. People are trudging along on the three mile long trek only to find out that someone has now left and there is a free spot in the parking lot. I drive by them and laugh and spit on their misfortune. Ha ha!

Once we park we now have to push our way to the front of the line as people glare at us because we have a reservation. At one point we are trapped like Chewbacca at a beastiality conference and cannot move. We are now being screamed at by old ladies who need their sugar insisting that we get out of their way. My wife is pregnant and doesn't take shit from anybody. She wants her food and shares some choice words with the fossils who are impeding her progress. Later we find out that these seniors had "an accident." My wife refuses to speak about it without a lawyer present.

Finally we get to our table and our group. I am meeting them for the first time as they are my wife's coworkers. They are already eating their pea soup. Now if you have never had it, it looks like snot, mixed in with vomit and bile. Its really good though! I look around and people are freely pouring maple syrup into their soup. There is also something called cretons. Its usually in brick form and you spread it on toast. Its grey and lifeless looking even though it has a higher fat content than deep fried crisco. More maple syrup is added. There is also something called "oreilles de christ." I am not sure of the spelling but it means Christ's ears. Basically these are deep fried pig fat. Again they are really good drowned in maple syrup or straight up. What I find interesting is that I don't think Jesus would have an major issue with his name being used as a nickname for food its just that, being a Jew, deep fried pig fat is certainly not kosher nor healthy. The food continues with eggs, ham, sugar pie, deep fried dough balls, and some other sweet treat that has yet to be defined. The whole time we are begging for more and fighting over the random pourings of coffee. Good times!!! McDonalds has nothing on these sugar shacks!

We got outside where we are swarmed by cigarette smoke and kids throwing snowballs. Kids are falling, tackling each other in the mud, and trying to avoid getting swatted by their parents. Outside there is more maple syrup as it is being poured on virgin snow. At this point to try stabbing it with a popsicle stick and you try rolling it to make the world's most ghetto lollipop. This is immensely popular and the pushing and shoving continues. My wife somehow already has a collection of desugared popsicle sticks and is throwing crippled children out of the way to get more.

The next step is to patiently wait for the sleigh ride. Basically there are two overworked horses that will pull roughly 25-30 people around in the snow. This is quite fun and as city folk we make comparisons to our subway and horrible transport system. The horse make their customary bowel movement and the maple syrup smell is now blended with horse shit... mmmmmm! However this doesn't stop the majority of sleigh riders and they head straight back to the maple syrup on snow upon our return. Again my wife is trampling people to get her sugar fix. The people serving the syrup already call her by name.

So thus ends our little sugar escapade. I am still suffering from the shakes as I come down from my sugar high. Great times... glad it only happens once a year!!!

have a little faith in me...

2008-04-07T07:16:00.001-07:00

joseph.in.blue, originally uploaded by impactmatt.

When you walk into the majority of Catholic churches you are usally surrounded in a sweet-smelling, comforting warmth. For some it may the deep spiritual bond and security one may feel as they step into the sanctuary, the home of their religious fervor. I think that it is literally the candles. When you need something in particular it seems as though lighting a candle in church helps...apparently. You drop your coin into the box ...(nothing is free... although technically I don't think you have to. I am not too sure how much time God has to count loose change. I mean I guess He has the time and the ability... He is God after all.)...so as I was saying, you drop your coin in the collection box, take a little stick, light the stick from a pre-existing flame, light your own candle, and then say your prayer.

Many protestants shun this kind of unnecessary ritual... God doesn't need a candle's help to see our prayers (He's got wicked cool night vision goggles!). There is something obviously beautiful to walk into a church and see rows and rows of flickering prayers, hopes, requests, dream, and thanksgivings. Yellow flames illuminate rainbow colored glass and equalizes the urgency and importance of the prayers and of the believers themselves. As the candles are lit from one common flame, all supplicants, rejoicers, mourners, and last-minute-end-of-the-line-hail-mary-full-of-gracers, are joined in their hope of a reply. Its beautiful. Its inspiring to see different people who don't know each other be mystically linked. To see that light and to feel the heat is a reminder that we are not alone in our struggle. That we are not alone and that there are others out there who feel the same.

I am trying to make a big decision. Column A or Column B? Left or right? Will I take door number 1 or door number 2? Both sides have their pros and cons. Either choice could probably work out. The tough part is that one of them may be a better choice and I am not sure which one it is. The advice from my friends... "Have faith that there is someone out there who is bigger than you are and that He has your best interests in mind. Have the faith to try and figure that out and the rest will go a lot smoother.

I better go light a candle.

penny for your thoughts...my 2 cents.

2008-03-27T08:47:00.001-07:00

green.tea.latte, originally uploaded by impactmatt.

I have realized that I am a consumer. For the longest while I tried to resist the title. I have problems with a consumer/capitalist society/mindset. I don't want to be ruled by the almighty dollar, euro, yen, pound, or peso! But when I look at how I live my life I see a trail of dollar sign bread crumbs leading me to my gingerbread house and my eventual demise.

I think I consume because there is something missing in my life. This is tough for me to admit because I feel like my life is pretty filled up and going well (all things considered). But I have to admit that there is a certain joy I get at looking at sparkly and shiny things. The bright lights and colors pull me in. There is a greater joy in getting that thing... whatever it may be... and it makes me feel whole.

I just don't think its a wise use of my money. I have things... lots of things. I have my health, happiness, home(kind of), and the heart of my wife. I have relationships with people I consider close and important. I know that there is a God and He loves me and that changes my life and makes me rethink my life and change course when it is needed (hence this blog post!) How much more wise would it be to help others who have little or nothing rather than add to the wealth I already have?

The picture way above of this tea is a good example and makes my mind think of a great way to change my perception and all our perceptions. This was the greatest tea latte I ever had. It also cost upwards of $6. Not that much right? However, buy this drink five times a month and you would have the equivalent of what it takes to feed, teach, provide water and medicine to a child in an impoverished country. Maybe there is some way for us to sacrifice our luxuries so that we do with out so that those who don't have can do with...

Thoughts? Comments? Is this something you could do? Even if you buy just a regular Tim Hortons or Dunkin Doughnuts coffee daily, that two bucks could add up to a lot for someone.

Look at me... I see something that needs fixing in my life and I pick on everyone else! Yesssss! Avoidance at its best! I really do want to work on it! I will, I promise!

the end of religion? Good!

2008-03-24T13:18:00.001-07:00

light.cross, originally uploaded by impactmatt.

Just a quick story... mainly cause it was interesting and at the same time I need to update this thing because all three of you are dying for the latest update! My loyal fans... yeah I'm funny.

So... I was in the cafeteria warming up my microwavable Kraft Dinner... i am so embarrassed that was my lunch... and I bump into one of my coworkers and we are just chatting away and he notices the book I am reading. I have mentioned it before, "The End of Religion... He reads the title and gives a little "hmmmmm..." and follows through with a "We definitely need more of that!"

Now the book is actually very spiritual and emphasizes how man has tried to put God and his supernatural awesomeness in an ugly little box called religion. My friend is coming at from a totally different angle and is just really upset at what religion (also known as Christianity, Jesus, God in his eyes) has treated him.

I agree with both sides of the story. I don't even need to know his story but it is not a very big stretch that religion has hurt him and left a sour taste in his mouth to boot. The back cover of the book sums up our feelings: "Sick of religion? So was Jesus." Let me take it further and say... So is Jesus.

My TEN COMMANDMENTS (up to six!!!)

2008-03-18T08:48:00.000-07:00

My ten commandments.... in response to my other friends with their own! Its a work in progress... come back for future updates!

Thou shall....

1. Wait before entering!!!

-I cannot stress this enough. Under no circumstances should you get on an elevator, bus, metro, subway, train, plane before people have finished getting off. This is the most important commandment. If you are an old granny, judge, Governor Shwarznegger.... I will kick you in the face for your impoliteness.

2. Jaywalk respectfully...

- I admire jaywalkers... I really do. You live life on the edge and you have places to be. I respect that. But as you cross please do it will some kind of urgency. I am in a car coming at you. I think I will survive the head on collision. So when I give you a "friendly" honk to motivate your illegal crossing... don't... do not... under any circumstance flick me off!!!

3. Shall not think you are better than anyone else

- I don't care about your status, ethnicity, experiences, economics, religion, sex or how many times you have had sex (you pornstar you)... you are not better than anyone else. Please keep that in mind... unless you like the Leafs and then everyone is better than you! Ouch! Burn! Just kidding... kind of.

4. Shall not claim Celine Dion as Canadian or Quebecer

- Its done... over... buh-bye. Why is she still on the radio?

5. Shall not make small talk about the weather

- If its minus 40 outside and the penguins are getting the hell out of dodge, don't ask "Cold out, eh?" Likewise if I am drenched in sweat and if my face is flushed redder than the pits of hell (whether or not you believe hell exists is a theological question that I wont answer here... I am merely using it as symbolism) do not ask "Warm out, isn't it?" Small talk is bearable only when it is interesting... Challenge my brain instead of just nodding and saying "Yeah it is hot out there.. Phew!"

6. Shall not feel the need to say hi multiple times in the same day in the same office

- Politeness is nice... I appreciate it, but I find it really awkward to have to say hi multiple times to same people in the space of one day. The first time I see you a "Hi! How you doing?" is very appropriate and I would love to converse. And subsequent meeting only requires a head nod, smile, small wave... something just to acknowledge that we know each other. There is no need to say hi again... we saw each other an hour ago and covered that. The main reason for this is that I want to speak about something a little more deeper about how I am and then I feel like I have to make assinine comments about the weather (see commandment 5). One also must remember that as the meetings increase the more awkward this becomes!!!

Here comes the son!

2008-03-13T14:45:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I am not going to gush too much right now. But I have to say the other night my wife and I were lying in bed... don't get any naughty ideas now! And even if you did, we're allowed ok... for all you conservative folk who think that married people sleep in different beds a la Flinstones. If your parents do sleep in different beds for other reasons... I apologize for being insensitive to our society's present family situations. I do mean that.

But we were up and watching my wife's belly...she has put on some pounds... because she is pregnant!!! And even if she did get fat I would stil love her. Although I told her my cut off would be 300pounds... Ha! But we were watching my future boy kick and move in her stomach. What is going on in there I will never know. The kicks were so intense and he almost responded when I would gently tap back. I am in complete amazement at where life comes from and how it can come from such a "weird" source. Who would have thought of carrying a child in a woman's stomach for nine months only to have him pop out all slimey and crying? However, this is where life comes from and it is amazing. My son is coming soon and he is quite the active little monkey!!!!!

It also got me thinking about where else life comes from and how weird and amazing it may be. Think about how a simple breath can bring life to someone who is missing it. Imagine how a word of encouragement and compassion can give life to someone who is contemplating theirs. Just watching my future progeny (am i using that word properly?) kick and squirm made me hope that I will be able to teach him as much as he is already teaching me.

let it snow!!

2008-03-10T19:00:00.001-07:00

snow beetle, originally uploaded by impactmatt.

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!!!

...and snow it did! This past weekend Montreal got dumped on for our 7th or 8th snowstorm of the year. We have had record snowfalls and we have so much snow, we dont know where to put it! You would think that it just melts, but nope... it sticks around to bury everything. Its quite nice... if you're not shovelling it.

Anyhow, so Saturday we got around half a meter and ridiculously strong winds. Mother Nature was whipping around snow pellets. They stung and actually cut and there was nowhere one could duck for cover. Polar bears who had come down south for their March Break cursed their bad fortune and immediately climbed back on their dog sleds and headed back to the north pole! Regardless, even in the middle of the world's largest freezer miracles happen.

With the winds and ice it was impossible to make it up any kind of hills without a ski lift. Cars couldn't move. Traffic was complete chaos... it was armageddon if Jack Frost was the anti-christ. My car was buried in a snow bank and after an exhausting day I had to try and push it out. I couldn't... yes I know... even with all my rippling fat... i mean muscles I couldn't push it out. Until two random university students all of a sudden were next to me helping push the car out. I thanked them profusely and they were happy to help. Although they looked pretty numb by the end of it.

So I kept pushing the car up the hill as my wife drove. I could see other cars slipping and not making it anywhere. But these random acts of kindness continued. People from everywhere were getting out and pushing cars up that hill. People in other cars would climb out and push the cars ahead of them. And then once those cars got to the top of the hill, they would get out and return to help the cars lower on the hill!

To see people sacrificing their time, energy, and exposed skin was more than special. No one did it grudginly, no one had to ask for help. People just understood the situation and dove in with winter-parka-covered-hearts!

(the picture above was from a smaller snow storm 2 years ago... nowhere near last Saturday!!!)

the rethink tank...

2008-03-03T11:40:00.001-08:00

Eyeball, originally uploaded by impactmatt.

The Montreal Gazette (the main anglophone newspaper in Montreal) has had an ad (has had an ad... thats sounds fun) running for the last little while about how "words matter." For example...

John can't wait to play with his kids.

you take away "with his kids" and all of a sudden John could sound like a problem gambler.

So I thought about words in my life and how I need to look at them differently and not take them for granted. How we interpret words gives so much meaning and power to them. English swear words are crazy powerful in English, but drop the f-bomb and Quebec and most people won't blink an eye...especially if you conjugate it... its quite colorful actually.

One word that I have had a hang up about for many months now is "repent." You say this word and automatically visions of some Medieval version of God pop into my head who is all about punishment and retribution for the evil things that you have done. It conjures an image of a dog with his tail tucked between his legs and a flick of fresh crap on his nose as payment for defiling the floor. I hate that the word repent has been turned into a bad word, a scary word, a fighting word...

For those of you who have a background in French, Spanish, Italian, Latin... whichever... the word actually based around the concept of thinking. The french word in penser, which means to think.

"REPENT!!!!!"

rethink... rethink what you are doing. What in your brain is making you do this? Do not think the same way that you have before, but change your thoughts. Make change happen from the inside so that the outside will reflect the transformation. Become a new creature. The old will be gone and only the new will remain. (Where have I heard that before?)

they are god!!!

2008-02-28T18:38:00.001-08:00

have.one!, originally uploaded by impactmatt.

Last Sunday my lovely, gorgeous wife and I (hopefully she will read this and I will get some brownie points) were walking downtown Montreal. We love Montreal so much because it is a beautiful city with so much to offer anybody who has any kind of interests. You like poetry, head over to a slam. You like hockey, welcome to the "hockey mecca" of the world. You like latex and fetish stuff let me introduce you to my old part time photography teacher! I am not making this up. I haven't gone though... seriously... ummmmmm.... back to my point!

So we are walking by two street kids who have their sign out and they are asking for change saying that they want to put it towards a happy meal, because there is a Mickey D's right around the corner. Of course being the good Samaritans we are... we were in a hurry to get somewhere. But we passed back shortly after... (yeah we were in a real hurry... we were actually trying to get to church. How horribly unJesus but very religious is that?) and when we passed by again there was a young married couple who ended up giving them two McDonald's gift certificates. It was amazing to see four faces light up with love for another. I know for a fact that the couple who gave the coupon are Christ followers, or Christians, or whatever they are called these days... but you know what? They didn't pass along a pamphlet, or preach, or even condemn them into the fiery pits of hell because of their tattoos and piercing (that last part is laced with sarcasm for those who don't know me that well.)

I like seeing people who normally aren't loved being loved. You can tell that this meant a lot to those streetbound kids. As the pair of "do-gooders" walked away one of the kids said aloud, "Those guys are god!!" I thought it was really appropriate... not that they were, but that by an act of love God was seen and experienced.

(note: the picture has nothing to do with the story other than this homeless guy was willing to share his smokes and beer with me when it was obvious that was all he had. it was pretty powerful for me... he allowed me to capture it on film!)

Life on the edge or life like a veg?

2008-02-21T15:32:00.001-08:00

frontenac.blur, originally uploaded by impactmatt.

Ever thought of doing something crazy... nothing illegal... although it may have been the case. Why didn't you do it? Why did you do it?

I think its funny how hard we push our limits as humans. Yes, there are some of us that sit on the couch and eat chips all day, but some of our species get out there and do the wildest things. These guys in the picture put on skates and then bomb down a sheet of ice half a kilometer long, the whole time pushing and fighting with other guys trying to get to the end first. (kind of paradoxical "getting to THE END, FIRST!) Who would have thought this sport should evolve into being? Let's take rugby, downhill skiing, hockey, boarder cross, insanity and mash them all together!

Another extreme example was from the movie, based on the book, based on the true story, based in Alaska.... "Into the Wild." A young man leaves a university degree, car, credit cards, home, family, security, and prime time television to live in the wild world by his own wits. His ultimate goal is to live in the middle of nowhere, Alaska and fend for himself. I won't ruin the end if you haven't seen it, but it kind of goes against my point here... but regardless...

Living dangerously... living on the edge... actually living! Imagine that! We live in a society that fills us with fear. We have to get insurance, lock doors, get alarm systems, take extra vitamins, look both ways before crossing the street.... (some of these are good things, I am just on a roll.) Ever hunted for your own food? It tastes so good!!! We once speared our own fish and grilled it over a fire and it was delicious... no spices no nothing. The whole process of getting it spiced it up!

I am not against modern society... there is a great beauty in museums and grafitti. There is music in the symphony and the homeless guy playing his harmonica for change. But I wonder if we are missing out on life by not pushing ourselves, by not hurtling down a mountain of ice and fighting guys off at the same time... Jump out of our bubble baths and into the middle of raging rapids and over the waterfall into the pool below...

or maybe I'll just go to McDonalds.

Vampires suck...

2008-02-18T05:33:00.000-08:00

These were the first words of the night at my first official poetry slam, throw down, this is a show-down, hell no i won't slow down...

My friend knows a friend who are both members of this poetry, spoken word artist collective where they wax and weave words wondrously in weally weally cool ways (much like I am trying to do, but not really succeeding. Although I really like the aliteration.) So I went to this exposition of prose in a professional capacity to be a picture poet and document the night with my camera. I have always enjoyed clever thoughts presented through stories and poetry and song, but this was something extra special.

I have always thought that poetry groups were fairly extreme. They were for people who liked hearing themselves speak and would sit around in tweed blazers, sipping tea, and using big words that very few people understand or they were for left over beatniks from the San Fransisco Bay area that spoke in awkward rhythms as they stroked their little soul patches (i have a soul patch and I do that all the time actually). But this was different. I kind of knew these groups existed where people actually have fun with the spoken word. Where they clap and yell out their agreement when a poet puts together a thought that just blows the mind... and there were many instances where this happened.

These people were out on a saturday night laughing, joking, drinking, and enjoying life. They were friendly, encouraging, and very welcoming. They cared about the people who were presenting and their hearts and minds were open to new ideas and would never, ever judge the person sharing. These people have taken words and spoken life in them. Wild, crazy, passionate life that it contagious and uplifting.

Words --> Spoken words --> Living words

There is definitely something we can learn from these pioneers of prose. The ability to take words that are expressions of their soul and hearts, speak them for the world to hear, and because of their passion and the truth that embeds each word brings life... wow! I am going to go back. The church, the community, the collective of poetry is full of life.

... and vampires more than just suck, they bite big time.

Lick my glass!

2008-02-14T16:21:00.001-08:00

Waterwall, originally uploaded by impactmatt.

Ok... so I just posted something to my blog today, but I just read something that struck me in a big way. You know when you hear something and it just resonates within you like a pitch fork? You can feel it penetrating deep into your soul and then you find yourself just moving along with it...? Thats now.

I just started reading "The End of Religion," by Bruxy Cavey and I got as far as page 39. He is discussing how the whole concept of religion has huge flaws and it is so counterproductive to real spirituality and a discovering of who God is. He asks you to picture a thirsty person holding a glass of water. Now picture that same person licking the glass in order to quench that thirst. Not too bright. Bruxy's claim is that glass is religion. Those who are religious focus so much on the glass that they are forgetting what is inside!

It was just such a clear picture of how futile it all is. We focus on how the water is delivered. What is holding that water that we thrist for so desperately? How is it presented to us? When we should just be looking to quench a thirst that makes us lick cracked lips. Dive in! Bathe in it! Soak it in! Cup your hands together and pull that foutain to your mouth...

So thirsty right now....

scabbed knees

2008-02-14T10:30:00.001-08:00

waitin.on.mama.to.finish, originally uploaded by impactmatt.

I feel for this woman... big time.

Have you ever run up and down stairs to improve your health or physical abilities? I did on Monday night after a kickboxing class. My legs were exhausted by kicking higher than my groind will allow me and from receiving painful shots to my knees and thighs. However, this was not enough punishment and I decided to run (run being used very loosely because after the first ten flights I slowly jogged and then walked) 20 flights of stairs. Going up and down that is a total of 1064 stairs. My legs are cramping up just thinking about it. So, why did I do this? To stay in shape, to get into better shape, not to lose face in front of the other guys running them, and probably because there is a piece of me that is sick and twisted.

So I feel for this woman... why? Well its obvious if you look at her face. She is going up a whole host of stairs...on her knees... voluntarily. Now why is she doing this? For her health? To stay in shape? To get into better shape Not to lose face? That maybe she is sick? Kind of all of the above. This woman is going up a few hundred stairs on her knees, saying a prayer at each stair, as penance for something that she has done and to show her devotion to God. So in a sense she is trying to build up her spiritual health and flex those devoted muscles.

Whether or not you agree with her choice, it takes a lot of guts to do it. I get winded walking up those stairs when I visit that church... Though I feel that her efforts are not necessarily going in the right direction, it impresses me. A lot...

What kind of pain, discomfort, embarassment, and devotion am I willing to go through for my faith and my God. Its quite humbling...

patience

2008-02-10T05:12:00.001-08:00

sortie, originally uploaded by impactmatt.

I always pick the worst lines at Ikea. For some reason my line picking abilities aren't too bad at the grocery store. But at Ikea I am definitely cursed. It frustrates me to no end to see people fumble with small change or have some issue with a price that could have been resolved on the sales room floor.

So much to my dismay, I walked into the worst situation yesterday.

I had finally found the right line. It was beautiful. Huge carts filled with poang chairs, ribba picture frames, and summat bed frames were being checked through with olympic like speed. I was in my line triumphant as I edged forward and other were at standstills. A couple more minutes and I would be out of there heading for the coveted exit. Oh yes... People in other lines were fading in the distance as I approached my cashier in her yellow and blue shirt. It was my checked flag!

Disaster struck.

With the end so near, the person in front of me brought my poll position finish to an screeching halt. The lady in front of me having all her items checked through brought out 35$ in cash to pay for a $156.32 tab... ok no worries... don't panic. Its just two transactions. I am still well ahead in the game. But the woman now looks at the total and it obviously is not something she agrees with. She indicates to the cashier to remove the 40$ gift card she purchased. I guess she had $100 limit. Fine... more time spent, but thats ok. I understand. I actually applaud her frugalness. I would just consume and take the hit financially. So now its down to $116.32. However this isn't good either. She asks to remove some unidentifiable kitchen item that looks like a crash between an exotic cheese grater, a wok, and a salad spinner. No doubt it had a clever name like balakspogrizt. Now her total is $105.04. Great... lets go people! Or person as it is in this case. I can see the sortie sign! But yet again this is not good enough. The woman is looking over her already-checked items trying to decide what else needs to be sacrificed. She removes a stack of napkins. "Way to knock of another 79 cents! Way to go!" I don't even bother to check the total now. This is getting to be too much. Obviously its still too much for her and she still has to find another way to lighten her load. At this point I look back and my line has now tripled in size. We are now this slowest line in the whole store... maybe in history. I see a row of unhappy faces behind me. I want to cry out to them, "I'm sorry but its not my fault! I am not with her! I too think she should be banned for life!" As I turn away to avoid the piercing glares my heart skips a beat. The woman has pulled out a cell phone and is now calling someone for advice.

NO! NO! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

"For the love of all the holy! This has gone too far! Are you retarded?"

I felt so bad thinking that. Its not PC at all and its really insensitive. Especially in the light that the lady was mentally challenged. I am going straight to hell.

She was now off the phone and was removing a rather large box that was a sizeable chunk of the bill because now we were down to $56.93. So now her $35 seemed realistic. Break out that credit/debit card and lets get the show on the road! But no... needless to say after taking out every last bit of change from her wallet, starting with toonies, to loonies, to quarters, dimes, nickels, pennies, and even a token of some sorts she was still $13 short. There were a couple more phone calls thrown in for good measure and she was not understanding how she still could be short of the total. A manager politely came over and with another employee that picked up her stuff and started trying to figure out a way to help her.

The whole time I had been impatient, thinking about all the things I had to accomplish (ie get home in time for the hockey game) and I got upset at this woman. My time is precious... its my weekend. Whereas for this woman, it was probably a very challenging day for her. This was huge for her. My mind jumped to the conclusion that there must be some cosmic joke that I was not aware of. Why was this woman trying to make me late for whatever I had to do?

Through my selfishness, I did have a moment of clarity as I looked at my cashier. Through it all she was patient and very understanding. She took the time to count the change and manually remove items from the register and from the customer's bags. Never once did she roll her eyes or give one of those exasperated sighs. And it wasn't until it was my turn that she was replaced by another employee who had been standing off to the side of a solid 15 minutes while this whole procedure had been going down. This cashier was at the end of her shift and she probably wanted to get home, or at least away from work, more than anyone of us in line.

I have so much that needs fixing in me. I actually appreciated the opportunity to see the change needed.

just a little speck

2008-02-09T00:05:00.001-08:00

flicker.flame.1, originally uploaded by impactmatt.

You remember when you were younger? Do you remember the time in the first grade when you looked up at the third and fourth graders and they seemed so huge and impressive. You sat there in awe and wondered if you were ever going to be that old...

I also remember the time when I came back to Montreal after one of my stints in Africa. I had spent almost five years going to a very, very tiny school that consisted of 145 students grades K-12. Upon my return I enrolled in a College that consisted of over 7000 students for a 2-3 year program. I felt like a little flame flickering in the face of a hurricane. It took everything I had to keep burning.

I ended up feeling somewhat similar tonight. I was knocked over by a display of raw emotion. I always a genie is at his most powerful as he escapes his little lamp, finally liberated to unleash all the pent-up cosmic energy; this is what happens when my mother finally speaks. She let loose four decades worth of pain, sadness, and disappointment. There is nothing you can do about it... you just sit there and pray to God that it doesn't get directed at you. You realize that you are small. Then the storm gets worse... the thunder rolls and now I am accused of being selfish (I am, but that is for another post. And it still hurts hearing it.) So now the smallness I feel shrinks me down even further. I am so insignificant at this point small makes fun of me. Then the lighting strikes and I am shocked to find out that she wants to divorce my dad after almost 40 years of marriage. I have now officially disappeared off the face of the map.

I am almost thirty and feel like I am thirteen.

Creative Basement - down the stairs

2008-02-08T14:22:00.001-08:00

mindscape.one, originally uploaded by impactmatt.

Never thought I would be a blogger. I never thought I would be good at Frogger. I don't have the build to be a jogger.

Yes! What an awesome taste, an appealing appetizer about things to come out of the Creative Basement. What is the point of this sous-sol of imagination? Well for the past little while I do my relaxing, reading, drawing, thinking in a basement. Its not much of a basement, but that's where my brain ended up with these thoughts and ideas that I had to get out of my head. (I just finished a long day at work and I haven't even left the office... so my brain is fried and I don't think this is making too much sense. It will... at some point.)

Basically I want to get a creative dialogue going between my thoughts and the words that I put out there. Hopefully other people will jump on board and share their own thoughts and well... it will turn into a trialogue, octologue, centalogue... you get the point. I am not going to necessarily discuss what I am doing with my life, but I am going to focus what life does to me and how my thoughts, emotions, and soul reacts to it. You wouldn't believe the weirdness that goes on in my cabesa and how it gets processed.

I am not expecting this to make blog of the year, but I would love to see what other people think about my thoughts and the way I am thinking them... qu'en penses-tu?